


You're Stuck In My Head Like My Favourite Song

by CallMeHopeless



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Awkwardness, Bad Poetry, College, Crush at First Sight, Fluff, Happy Ending, Insecurities, M/M, Music, Slow Build, angst (I guess?), but a lot of fluff!!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-08-30 13:44:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8535421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeHopeless/pseuds/CallMeHopeless
Summary: In which Merlin listens to a lot of music, drinks coffee and writes bad poetry. Oh and falls in love with Arthur.





	1. A love like War

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Guys, this is my very first attempt at writing fanfiction and I really really do want to improve so I'd be really glad for some pointers/critisism :)  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (I of course don't own anything, all the rights go to BBC and to the Bands I use songlyrics of)

Merlin was absolutely certain that love wasn't for him. That he wasn't worth loving. He thought himself too gangly, too weird looking with too long, curly black hair and limbs way too long to ever be found attractive. Also, he thought love was bloody terrifying. He liked the idea of love, loved it even, but thinking about giving yourself completely to another person was the scariest thing he could think of. Most relationships eventually ended anyway so why bother? Nevertheless, he always did have a certain tendency to fall in love very easily.   
Mostly, he knew, he was in love with love itself, projecting that onto people he met randomly. Not that he ever did anything about his 'crushes', mind. He'd just turned twenty and still waited for his first kiss. Or his first time holding hands. He mostly stuck to famous people anyway. They were just easier to obsess over. Merlin was pretty sure he never would meet Grant Gustin so he could lie in bed, thinking about him and listening to sad, pining music all he wanted. He wasn't doing any harm after all and he did enjoy a bit of romantic melancholy.   
He was absolutely sure that that was everything he wanted in life. Be in love with love, be in love with people he will never meet because being in love with a real person was dangerous. After all, a real person could reject him or worse, break his heart. Whereas Matt Smith would always be there to whisper 'Run' into his ear. Even if it was only from the television.  
All this is why Merlin was extraordinarily unprepared when love, actual real life love, hit him like a brick in his first week at university.  
He was running late for his second class of the day, which was at the other end of campus. He arrived just in time for the lecture to start, panting and sweating from the sprint he had to perform. When his breathing had calmed down and he was finally able to follow the professors lecture on 'Poetry in the seventeenth century', he took a look around. There were about 60 people in this class, everyone looking a bit bored as they took notes. His eyes roamed over all the unfamiliar faces and back to the professor. They were discussing Shakespeare's 'Sonnet 19' and the professor just finished his monologue on the structure of the poem when he asked: 'So, who can tell me what it is about?'  
A couple of hands shot up and a young girl with long brown hair and thick rimmed glasses in the front row talked about love and fear and time. That was when another hand was raised, this time from a boy only one row in front of Merlin. When the girl had finished, he was asked for his opinion: 'Well, judging on this sonnet, the lyrical I isn't really that afraid of time itself but rather of what time would do to it's lover.' Merlin sat mesmerized by the deep, rich voice of the speaker. He always enjoyed a nice deep voice. He could listen to Benedict Cumberbatch reading out the phone book and would be absolutely enchanted. This guys voice was simply beautiful and he kept talking about what love could do to a person and how love could evoke all kinds of feelings in a person and not just the good ones.  
Merlin had never felt so understood in his life. He did like the sonnet, he did like how it talked about fading youth and the fear of growing old. But as this guy got more and more off topic, Merlin felt more and more captivated by the stranger.  
By the time the professor wrapped up the session, Merlin was staring at the back of the blond head in front of him. He only got ripped out of his stupor when other students asked him to be let through, since he sat at the very end of the row.   
He shook his head as if to get rid of his thoughts and quickly packed his bag so he could make a quick getaway before he did something stupid, like continue to stare.

Merlin did realize he was a bit of a cliché as he sat brooding at a small table in the student café, a cup of hot coffee in front of him and listening to one of his favourite bands. All time low just did make everything better. Todays song of the day (SOTD for short and no, he didn't use that as an Instagram hashtag... not yet anyway) was 'A Love Like War'. Slowly, he sipped the hot beverage in front of him, thinking about his next class but somehow the mysterious blonde (who wouldn't be as mysterious if Merlin was a normal person and capable at actually interacting or looking at other people) kept popping up in his head. And just as Vic Fuente's voice sang 'Heart's on fire tonight,  
Feel my bones ignite, It feels like war, Love feels like war.' for what felt like the hundredth time, the door to the café swung open and in came Gwaine. Merlin had met him at the event for first years almost a week ago and he was everything Merlin was not. He was drop dead gorgeous (it's a wonder really, that Merlin hadn't crushed on him at one point), had long-ish hair and a beard (Merlin wished he could grow a proper one of those) and was incredibly friendly and outgoing. Gwaine winked when he spotted Merlin and came over.  
'Hey Merls,' he said, sitting down in front of Merlin and looked around. Probably trying to spot freshmen he could hit on later because yes, Gwaine liked crushes just as much as Merlin but he actually did something about it instead of being too scared of the 'what ifs' to function.  
'Hey,' Merlin said lamely, putting his headphones back into his backpack and looking at his friend.  
He didn't even know why Gwaine was friends with him. Almost everyone in the café seemed to know him and for the first two minutes of his being there, Gwaine was busy saying hello to people.  
He finally turned back to Merlin and looked at him seriously.  
'So Merls, how's it going?'  
'Good.' Because that's what Merlin did. He always tried telling people what they wanted to hear.  
Gwaine huffed, grabbing a strand of Merlins hair and twirling it between his fingers.  
'Alright, so I went out with Matt, yeah?' he started and in the few days Merlin had known Gwaine, he'd learned that Gwaine became friends with people fast. Because not only would Merlin never talk that quickly about his personal life with other people, but Matt was also one of the blokes who had been in their activity group on that very first day. Matt was cute enough, Merlin thought. He had a lovely scottish accent (oh boy did Merlin love accents) and had short brown hair which made him look younger than he was.  
'Yeah?' Merlin asked which, apparently was enough to set Gwaine off on a tale about a lovely dinner gone wrong when it turned out that Matt wasn't actually gay and thought that Gwaine just wanted to be friendly.  
By the end of the story, Merlin was lost in giggles. The way Gwaine mimicked his own face when Matt kept talking about his girlfriend and it slowly began to dawn on him that his advances were completely unwelcome and misdirected amused Merlin to no end.   
Suddenly, Gwaines face went blank and he looked at the entrance of the cafe where a student just had walked in. Merlin looked in the same direction and instantly turned back. Because it was him. The guy from his poetry class. His cheeks heated as he stared into his mug and wishing his blush away. The very last thing he needed is for Gwaine to notice how weird he really was. But Gwaine was otherwise occupied.  
'My god Merlin, would you look at that man.' he kept rambling on, absently, never letting the blonde out of his sight. When Merlin felt brave enough to look up again, Gwaine was staring at him.  
'Whaaaat are you doing?' he asked, raising one eyebrow.  
'N-nothing.' Merlin tried to sound convincing but failed miserably because the reason for his blush sat down on the opposite table. Facing Merlin. Looking even more beautiful than he sounded. His hair was artfully tousled and from what Merlin could make out from his position, he had blue eyes and very pouty (as if Merlin needed more reasons to fancy him) full lips. Gwaine, probably already having forgotten about him was in the middle of a monologue about the unfairness that was November with all it's chill and early snow and lack of half naked people when the blonde looked up and straight at Merlin.  
Feeling caught, Merlin immediately adjusted his eyes to his friend and pretended to listen for the rest of the story. In his head, he kept repeating a short excerpt of A Love Like War. In the chill of your stare I am painfully lost,  
like a deer in the lights of an oncoming bus,  
For the thrill of your touch, I will shamefully lust,  
as you tell me we're nothing but trouble   
His eyes still occasionally flickered to the other table but by then the occupant was lost in his book, a small smile playing around his lips. Merlin was a goner and he knew it. How was he supposed to sit right behind him for the rest of the term?

In the evening, when Merlin finally closed the door to his dorm room behind him, he sat down on his bed, with his headphones on.   
No escape from the truth and the weight of it all,  
I am caught in the web of a lie...   
He knew he had to do something about the crushing on random people thing. That couldn't be healthy, could it?  
He did what he did best to cope with the (mainly) unwanted feelings he developed sometimes. Because even if he did fall in love a lot. His crushes lasted. In most cases they only ever went away when his crush moved or he just wasn't able to see them anymore. Which was why he had so many celebrity crushes. He just crushed on new people, the old ones stayed. The only difference to his crushes in real life was that they weren't tangible. The blonde guy from todays class however was. And there was nothing scarier in Merlins book.  
Merlin took out his little black notebook and flipped it open on a blank page. He thought about what he wanted to say for a couple of minutes and finally wrote down:  
Blue eyes like the sea  
He is so mesmerising  
What is happening  
He shut the book closed and put it back on his table. Writing haikus was what he did to cope with feelings he had throughout the day. He knew they weren't good. A professional Haiku poet would probably laugh at him for his lousy attempt but the structure was simple. It made Merlin focus his thoughts and what he wanted to say about a topic. Plus, he would absolutely love to be creative. Just because he wasn't good at it, didn't mean he wanted to stop trying all together. And who knew, maybe he'd be composing sonnets soon if he'd have to continue sitting behind BG (short for blond god).  
With that thought in mind and Alex Gaskarth's soothing voice in his ear, he finally fell asleep. He had panicked about a lot of things before his first day as an university student. Writing haikus about a boy whose name he didn't even know hadn't been one of them.


	2. Kiss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad pick up lines are always funny. Especially coming from Gwaine. Especially if they don't work.

The rest of his first week, Merlin had a couple more 'BGS' (Blond God Sightings) and everytime he saw him walk across the hall or sit at the café (always lost in a book and Merlin thought it really wasn't fair that he looked even more adorable doing that) he was left flustered and his insides did funny little dances. It was no wonder really that he woke up the next Monday (aka sitting behind BG day) and decided to select 'Kiss You' by One Direction as his SOTD. He didn't even care that this wasn’t his usual kind of music but instead blasted it in his room while getting dressed. He ended up humming it and occasionally whispering 'let me kiss you' followed by a smile. That was how good he felt about the world. Not even his hair which was absolutely set on not staying the way Merlin wanted could spoilt his morning. Everything was okay. He was okay. Especially with the prospect of seeing  _ him _ . 

He became even more giddy with excitement when his first class of the day ended 15 minutes early and he actually was on time for the poetry class for a change. When he entered the room, there were only a handful of people already there. He sat down in the same seat as the week before and nodded in greeting to a boy a couple of seats from him when he looked up from his notebook. Merlin tried looking nonchalant. Like he didn't jump everytime the door opened and like he didn't feel disappointed when the person entering wasn't tall, blonde and beautiful. The professor was about to start when the door opened one more time and tall, blonde and beautiful actually walked in. 'Hello' he said to the room in general greeting and before Merlin could stop himself he mumbled 'Hi' back. The boy stopped in his tracks and looked at Merlin, clearly not having anticipated a reply. Merlins cheeks heated when his brain caught up with what he'd done. But the boy just smiled at him. A warm, welcoming smile before taking his seat in front of him. And what a beautiful smile it was. Blood rushed in Merlins ears and he didn't listen to a word the professor said for the first couple of minutes. There were what felt like actual butterflies rummaging in his stomach, which surprised him. He hadn't felt a sensation like that since he started watching _The Arrow_ and Stephen Amell was mainly shirtless for the first couple of episodes. The rest of the class went by slowly. They were finishing up on the Shakespeare sonnet but Merlin didn't pay that much attention because the boy in front of him didn't either. He was doodling in his notebook and drawing little cartoons about the professor. It gave Merlin the chance to quietly check him out. He was wearing dark skinny jeans and a simple t-shirt. Regardless of his simple choice of clothing, there was nothing simple about the way he looked in general. Merlin thought he must must must be an actor of some kind. Or singer? Rockstar maybe. Because noone in real life was allowed to look that good. ' _Oh baby, baby don't you know you got what I need? Looking so good from your head to your feet. Come on come over here, over here. Come on come over here, yeah_ ' One Direction sang and they were right. He looked _so_ good from his head to his feet. Merlin was content. Sitting in a poetry class, behind a boy he liked on a cold but sunny November day. Life was good.

 

After class he did what he always did. He sat in the café, on one of the wooden stools (he always thought he would look even taller and ganglier if he sat down in one of the armchairs and heaven knew he didn't want that), earphones in, a very christmassy coffee (with a lot of whipped cream and sprinkles) in front of him and the happy tunes of 'Kiss You' in his ear. He felt like dancing. Mainly because of what had happened in the last couple of minutes of his poetry class. Not only did the blonde boy smile at him at the beginning, he now also knew his name.

Arthur Pendragon. How did he know that? He might have had a peak over his shoulder when said blonde was signing the attendance list. Arthur Pendragon. Merlin liked how that sounded. Merlin liked a few more things about him though.

'What are you smiling about?'

Merlin was cruelly ripped from his thoughts when Gwaine plopped down on the chair in front of him.

Merlin paused his music and looked at his friend.

'Nothing' he said and wondered when he and Gwaine had actually become friends. But he just kept insisting on talking to Merlin.

'How was poetry class?'

'Huh?' Merlin looked up and saw Gwaine studying him.

'Poetry class.' he repeated slowly.

'Fine, yeah, fine.'

'How's the blonde guy?' Merlins sat, perplexed. He wasn't that obvious was he? Gwaine had let it go the last time they sat in this exact same spot and he had gotten nervous when Arthur came in.

'G-Good? I guess? I didn't talk to him?'

'But you're okay with him being around aren't you?'

'Yeah?'

'Good, because he just walked in.' Gwaine said matter of factly and studied Merlins face.

Merlin wouldn't give in. He would not turn around to look for Arthur. He would not give Gwaine that satisfaction.

'Good, weren't you into him last week? Might be your chance to ask him out.' he said, trying to sound calm and like this was the most boring conversation he'd had all week. Never mind his heart was hammering against his chest like a very consistent drum.

Merlin felt daring and brave and was a little bit annoyed with Gwaine for being so freakishly normal.

Gwaine just laughed.

'Alright. If you're okay with that?'

'Well, why wouldn't I be?'

'Seemed to me last week that you have a sweet spot for him.'

Merlin spluttered. The nerve!

'I... certainly don't. Have a sweet spot. For anyone. Least of all for him!'

He would be proud of himself if he didn't blush furiously.

Gwaine smiled dangerously and stood up. Merlin pressed play again on his phone and One Direction filled his head once more.

He looked at Arthur who chose to sit at a table near by (also on a wooden stool, Merlin noticed. They were perfectly compatible for going on a date at a coffee shop he concluded. He shook his head, almost giggling to himself. Thinking date-y thoughts was the result to listening to a cheesy boyband all day.

' _So tell me Girl if everytime we touch you get this kinda rush_ ' he almost started singing to himself. He was pretty sure about 'getting that kinda rush' if he ever got to touch Arthur. He dismissed that thought in favour of watching his friend. He knew he should hope that Gwaines plan worked. They seemed to be friends after all and that's what friends did. Root for each other. But all he felt was a clenching feeling in his chest at the prospect that it actually would.

Gwaine slowly approached Arthur, once again lost in a book. Merlin tried making out the title but Arthur laid the book flat down on the table when Gwaine greeted him.

Merlin sat there, glued to his chair because really, this wasn't fair. If Arthur _liked_ Gwaine and Gwaine continued to be his friend and paraded Arthur in front of him all day... Merlin let his thoughts trail to dangerous places when he heard:

'Do you have a library card? Because I'm _so_ checking you out.'

Silence.

Arthur just looked at Gwaine incredulously with big eyes before starting to laugh. Hard. As in he threw his head back in glee before he turned to Gwaine and wiped a tear from his eye.

'You _what_?' he said with the deep voice Merlin kept admiring.

Gwaine smiled and shrugged. 'I was inquiring whether you'd want to go out with me sometime.'

'After that pick up line?'

Gwaines smile grew. 'Yes. Peoples reactions to pick up lines determine if the person is worth going out with.'

'So what did my reaction say then?'

Merlins heart sank. This sounded incredibly like flirting, didn't it? Like, if this was a film then they'd be happily married at the end of the month.

'Laughing is a good trait. I deem you acceptable.' Gwaine said solemnly.

'That's a relief. Although I would have to decline.'

Gwaines smile didn't falter.

'You're turning me down?'

'I am.'

'Can I ask why?'

Arthur closed his book altogether and looked intently at Gwaine.

'Because while you certainly are very handsome, I hear you hit on a different person at least twice a week.' He smiled crookedly and Merlin noticed his pulse speed up.

'Besides. I think your friend might object to a potential date because he is staring daggers at me since you started this conversation. And he seems nice. So be a decent bloke and ask him out instead.' and with that Arthur opened his book again and resumed reading.

Gwaine came back to their table, like nothing had happened. Merlin was astounded. He would never recover to be blown off like that but Gwaine merely shrugged, gave Merlin a pointed look and said: 'At least now we know he's single and that he noticed you.'

Merlin imagined his face to resemble a fire truck. Apparently he really was that obvious. Gwaine winked and was off to his next class. But not before saying: 'Maybe you can at least talk to him sometime soon? Or me making a fool of myself to prove a point to you will have been in vain.'

Merlin remained in his seat. Telling himself to breathe. He didn't want to think about what Gwaine was suggesting here. He couldn't talk to Arthur, could he? He didn't know how to talk to people. Especially the attractive ones. Especially the attractive ones with the beautiful eyes and the lovely smile. And the gorgeous voice. Merlin felt himself hyperventilating. This is not happening, he thought and then:

_Breathe, breathe, breathe._

And then he remembered Arthurs laugh.

And suddenly all he wanted to do was go over there and throw bad pick up lines at him just so he'd get to hear that laugh again.

But he didn't. Instead, he remained in his seat, finishing his coffee and listening to his cheesy boyband.

'Oh, I just wanna take you anywhere that you like, we could go out any day, any night. Baby I'll take you there, take you there, Baby I'll take you there, yeah.'

Merlin sighed.

_I feel you Zayn_ , he thought, _I feel you._

In moments like these, he cursed his inability to be a normal person. What society deemed normal anyway. He hated being shy and anxious and weird. He wanted to be like Gwaine. Why wasn't he like Gwaine? He stood up and let his eyes linger on Arthur for another moment before he turned and left the café.

He had felt so good. About himself, about the world. He went home and thought about the good things that had happened that day. Because it didn't matter how small he felt, Merlin always tried to think of at least one good thing every day. Like Arthur blowing off Gwaine so spectacularly. He conjured the mental image of Arthur laughing in Gwaines face back up and smiled involuntarily. It would be fine. Everything would be fine. University didn't last forever. He might not even be seeing Arthur at all next Semester.

He snatched his notebook from his desk and lay down on his bed. He read a couple of his Haikus from the past days (most of them about Arthur if he were honest) and flipped open a blank page. He wrote:

 

_Today you laughed_

_I loved it even more than_

_when you smiled at me_

 

and

 

_Your smile is like the sun_

_it shines as bright_

_in return, it makes me smile_

 

He thought back to the Greeting Incident that morning. He smiled. He pressed play again and the beat of the One Direction song washed over him once again. Here, in his little room, in his little cave of safety, he started to dance. He danced like he didn't feel weird about moving his body. He danced like noone was watching (which noone was, hopefully), he danced like everything was okay with the world. Which in that moment, it was. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading!
> 
> Again :) If you want to listen to Merlins Song Of The Day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4cdfRohhcg


	3. Your Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur talks to Merlin. Merlin loves it when Arthur talks to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my lovely friend who reads the stuff I send her, no questions asked and who's supportive even when she's not exactly 'in the fandom'!

There was a reason for Merlin that he felt so incredibly insecure and small all the time. He tried to pretend like he didn't care but he did.

People sucked, he concluded. And not only the people who had commented openly on his 'weirdness' before. It was the little things that ticked him off most. For example, when he entered his first class Monday morning (an introductory course on basic linguistics), he sat where he had been sitting since day one. On day one, he sat next to a guy called Steven. Merlin thought that he and Steven got on, they even talked for a bit after class. Merlin would even go so far as to say that he had hoped for a friend. He'd hoped that he'd have someone to talk to in case of panic, 'I-can't-do-this' and 'I-am-too-stupid-for-all-of-this' moments. The week after that, Steven sat with a girl. Merlin tried not to feel rejected. The week after that, there were two seats left. One next to Merlin, one next to the girl. Steven chose the girl. Merlin could understand all of that. He figured that Steven fancied the girl, it was okay really.

On this particular Monday, there were two seats left. One next to him and one in the very front row where half the desk was missing. Steven chose the half-missing desk.

Merlin tried telling himself that he didn't care. Steven wasn't someone he cared about and therefore it should not get to him like that.

Still somewhat deflated, he went to his poetry class.

The day had started really good for him. He'd chosen Kate Walsh's 'Your Song' as his song of the day because this was – as usual – the day he saw Arthur. Where he had proper time to _see_ Arthur. Not just for a second in the hall but properly _see_ him. First in class and then at the café. This little routine got him through the rest of the week.

The song he'd been listening to since waking up was very fitting for the rainy November day that awaited him. It was a bit melancholic but Merlin loved it.

Plus, the lyrics – albeit sad – made him smile. Because he could relate:

' _I'm stuck on a boy who fills me with joy_ '

That he was.

In poetry class, he sat down in his usual seat, taking out his book and notebook when suddenly someone next to him cleared their throat. He looked up and almost froze in shock at seeing Arthurs face. Arthurs smiling face... Oh such a lovely smile... Merlin told himself firmly to focus and gave his head a little shake before returning his eyes to Arthurs.

'Budge up, will you?' the blonde said, still smiling.

Without a word, Merlin moved over one seat and took all his things with him. Arthur plopped down on the now vacant seat and started getting out his things.

'So, your friend?'

'Oh god...' Merlin mumbled. Sentences starting like that weren't promising. Was Arthur about to tell him that he wanted to go out with Gwaine after all? Would he try to ask Merlin to speak to Gwaine on his behalf? He didn't know if he could do that...

Arthur just smirked at Merlins remark and continued:

'He's a bit... odd, isn't he?'

Merlin had to stifle a laugh.

'Why would you say that?'

It was so surreal. Sitting next to Arthur, actually talking to him. Merlin wasn't sure if he hadn't suddenly travelled to an alternative universe, one in which Gwaine actually was the oddball out of the two of them.

'Well. We could pretend like you didn't listen to our conversation yesterday. Or, we could make fun of him for his lousy attempt at picking up people. Your call. How _does_ his technique actually go for him?'

Arthur had this very open, very genuine smile on his face which Merlin hadn't seen before.

He looked at him for a moment and then finally said:

'Oh, that wasn't even the worst one i've ever heard him say. One time, he went up to this girl and actually said 'Are you a bag of trash? Because I wanna take you out tonight'. He did get slapped for that one.'

Arthur burst out in laughter and Merlin just watched him thinking _I did that_. Well not him directly but Gwaines stupidity. However, this was good enough for him.

'You know what you should get him for his birthday?' Arthur suddenly sat up straight.

'A whole book full of these lines and then you can watch him try them out and you won't ever need television again', he exclaimed happily before turning to look at Merlin properly.

'That is if you aren't... I mean I'm sorry about what I said last Monday. I just wanted to get him off my back and I implied that he should take you out. And I don't know if you want to be taken out by him or not but either way, I'm sorry if I made things weird between the two of you.'

He looked so sincere that all Merlin wanted was to touch his hand, telling him it was okay. Instead, he made a dismissive hand gesture.

'That's alright. For the record, I definitely don't want to be taken out by Gwaine. Have you not seen how he asks people out? I'd laugh so hard at whatever he had to say that he wouldn't even get to the actually asking part.'

Merlin felt weightless. He would never have guessed that actually talking to Arthur would be so easy, so comfortable. He was barely able to contain his glee and felt like his happiness must be visible to a blind man.

Arthur squeezed his eyes almost shut.

'Really? I mean even if he said -'

he lowered his voice and fixed Merlin with a half lidded look (which Merlin would absolutely not be thinking about again in the privacy of his room, giggling like a lovesick puppy. Absolutely not.)

'I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me.'

It took Merlin a second to comprehend what Arthur had just said but then he broke out in laughter.

A small satisfied smile appeared on Arthurs lips when Merlin finally stopped laughing.

'Or: On a scale of 1 to 10: You're a 9 and I'm the 1 you need.' Merlin wiggled his eyebrows and it was Arthurs turn to laugh.

They exchanged horrible pick up lines throughout the lesson, neither of them really paying attention.

After class, they even walked to the café together. Gwaine was already there for once looking perplexed when Merlin entered beside Arthur.

Arthur saw the look on Gwaines face and winked at Merlin, before sitting down at his usual table and taking his book out.

He.

Winked.

Merlin felt like shouting at someone in capital letters because Arthur bloody Pendragon just spent almost two hours sitting next to him, actually talking and now he had winked at him. And it was so cute that Merlin thought he'd felt his heart skip a beat.

He tried feigning nonchalance when he sat down in front of Gwaine.

But being the sly fox that he was, Gwaine immediately leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially.

'So what happened there, I wonder?'

Merlin giggled.

'You happened. You and your stupidity. We had a right good laugh about it.'

Gwaine smiled very smugly before getting up and getting him and Merlin a hot beverage.

 

They sat in silence for a while and Merlin thought back to that morning and to Steven and the choosing-half-a-desk-over-Merlin incident. Then he saw how Gwaine was staring at Arthur. Even after being rejected the week before, Gwaine was clearly into him.

Merlin broke the silence.

'Gwaine?'

His friend gave an affirmative nod as if to tell him he's listening albeit still having his eyes glued to Arthur. 'Am I your ugly friend?' Merlin finally asked matter of factly. He didn't really know what made him ask that question out loud. But he did feel like he was. Like someone Gwaine could sit around with and look even more dashingly handsome than he already did.

Gwaine turned around very slowly, facing Merlin with complete shock on his face.

'What?'

'You know. The ugly friend. Like the 'When-people-see-me-with-him-they-think-me-even-more-handsome'-friend,' Merlin explained, still leaving his face carefully blank.

'What the fuck are you even talking about?'

Gwaines voice sounded lower than usual and dangerous so Merlin looked straight at him.

'Am I?'

'No, of course not!' Gwaine exclaimed, perplexed.

'You don't see yourself very clearly, do you Merlin?' He looked Merlin up and down once and continued: 'You're bloody gorgeous!'

Suddenly the tables around them fell silent and all Merlin wanted to do was drown in todays caramel mocha. He didn't expect Gwaine to say something like that or he wouldn't have asked. He especially didn't expect him to say it that loudly because now people were staring at him. Including Arthur. Merlin could feel his eyes on him but didn't dare to look up. Gwaine finally understood what he had done to his friend, reached over to grasp his hand and said in a much lower volume: 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to come out that loudly. But Merls... What the hell makes you think you are anything but gorgeous? And why should you be the ugly friend? How do I know I'm not _your_ ugly friend?'

'Because you're one of the most handsome people I know.'

'Well, right back at you.'

Merlin still felt like a charity case but asked the question he was most anxious to ask:

'So you're not trying to look good compared to... well me, to get another shot at getting into Arthurs pants?'

Gwaine smiled. A slow smile that suggested he knew something Merlin didn't. Merlin hated that smile.

'If I wanted to look good next to someone for the sole purpose of getting into Arthurs pants, I would literally choose anyone else to sit next to _but_ you.'

With that he stood, mumbled something about his next class and left the café.

Merlin was left sitting alone at his table and wondering what the hell Gwaine had meant by that, when a now familiar voice ripped him from his thoughts.

'Gorgeous, ey?'

Merlin looked up and for the second time that day straight into Arthurs eyes.

'Well that was very nice compared to what he usually says. Congratulations.'

Even though Arthur kept his tone light, Merlin had the feeling that the air wasn't as easy as it had been before.

'It's not like that', he simply said.

'If you say so. See you next week Merlin.'

He winked again and left.

Merlin put his head in his hands.

When he got home a little after finishing his coffee, the first thing he did was press play on his Spotify playlist.

' _And he doesn't know just how far I would go just to kiss him. He doesn't know how I pine_.'

Merlin sighed. That was exactly what he did. He _pined_. For Arthur.

He took his phone out and opened up Instagram. He scrolled through his feed and liked a couple of pictures from people he used to know and finally decided on adding a new picture to his gallery: his artfully photographed coffee from earlier. He had posted them every week so far. Just to remind him of all the times he sat at the café, in close proximity to the boy he liked more and more every day.

He typed: _#Coffeetime #studentlife is good._

And then he almost posted it. He thought about it and then added:

_#SOTD Kate Walsh – Your Song_

Because it was his song of the day. Because he loved that song. And if everyone else could post their Outfits or Pictures of the day, he could post his song.

Satisfied he shared his picture and went to his desk to get his well-worn familiar notebook. He re-read his past haikus and added:

 

_One bad pick up line_

_If only you wanted me_

_And I would be yours_

 

and

 

_You winked at me twice_

_Do you even know what you do_

_to my fragile heart_

 

He placed his notebook back on his desk and stood up, ready to leave once again. He had to eat something and he was too lazy to cook in the dormitory kitchen. Besides, he fancied a walk to the supermarket (or, more likely, the next take out shop) to have some time to organise his thoughts. He was about to leave, when his phone vibrated and signalled a text.

It was from Gwaine:

_Get yourself some warm clothes, Merls! We're going Ice skating on the weekend!_

 

Merlin giggled. Ice Skating. Gwaine didn't know what he'd gotten himself into. He would soon find out that Merlin was one of the clumsiest people alive. But Merlin was kind of excited at the prospect. It had been years since he had last been Ice skating and he used to love it as a child. Besides, hanging out on the weekend was what proper friends did, wasn't it? Merlin felt the same happiness from earlier bubble up inside of him. Hanging out with his friend on the weekend and seeing (and hopefully talking!) to Arthur next Monday. Merlin Emrys. Mr. Insecure felt pretty good about himself for once.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlins Song of the day :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3f8JS8YUQ0


	4. All I Want For Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ice Skating. In November. Lights and Christmas music. Oh and Merlin hits his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading :) As always, critisism (and any mistakes you spot!) are very welcome :)

On Saturday morning, Merlin awoke with a sense of excitement. Gwaine had texted him the time (4pm) and the place (the rink next to the university campus – Merlin had already seen it and oh it was so wonderfully decorated. If he weren't going with Gwaine but say – oh, Arthur maybe, he thought it wound be the perfect setting for a date) and now he was basically just waiting. He opened up Spotify on his laptop and set it on his desk. He selected a SOTD and played it in loop. He chose _All I Want For Christmas Is You_ (the Mariah Carey version. Not the Justin Bieber version). He knew it was a bit prematurely. It was only mid-November after all. But when it came to Christmas music, he was very much of the opinion 'Halloween is over, bring on the Christmas spirit'. He danced and sang along while doing a bit of his university homework (he felt like he'd just started the semester, how was there so much work already?) and finally got dressed. Gwaine had said to choose warm clothes. The warmest piece of clothing he had was a very ugly Christmas sweater. It was green and red and had reindeers, mistletoe and snowflakes on it. He had gotten it on a whim a few years prior and simply loved it. It was warm, comfortable and just brilliant.

When he finally was ready to go (thick winter jacket, beanie on his head, scarf around his neck and gloves on his hands for extra warmth), he walked with a spring in his step to the agreed meeting point and spotted Gwaine immediately.

' _I don't want a lot for Christmas_  
There is just one thing I need  
I don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree', he hummed while walking towards his friend. It was getting dark already and the lights around the rink shone beautifully. Soft music was coming from loudspeakers all around the venue and there were already a lot of people (mostly students) on the ice, laughing and having fun.

'Hey Merls', Gwaine greeted him with a hug.

'You ready?'

Merlin nodded and smiled.

The two of them got their rental ice skates and put them on.

'Now. I know it was my idea and all but full disclosure, I can't Ice skate for my life!', Gwaine exclaimed happily while stalking to the entrance to the ice.

Merlin laughed.

'Don't worry about that, me either!'

He felt more and more comfortable around Gwaine which was a new sensation for him. Normally, he kept feeling wary around people. Like they would snap any second and decide to stab him in the back (or front if they were true friends and one believed Oscar Wilde).

Merlin stood on the ice, feeling exhilarated.

_This is so great_ , the thought, _I love this!_

It took a while for him to get the hang of it (for Gwaine, it took a bit longer), but soon enough the two of them were skating side by side over the ice, laughing and smiling together.

Suddenly, Gwaines eyes were fixed on the entrance.

'Oh Merlin, look who's here!'

Merlin looked up and almost fell right there and then.

Arthur had just stepped onto the ice, helping a young girl ( _beautiful, cute, absolutely gorgeous_ , Merlins mind supplied helpfully) on the ice. He held his hand out for her to take and she smiled at him and took it.

Merlin had come to a standstill.

He stood and watched as the girl almost fell and giggled while she hold on to Arthurs jacket and arm.

He laughed as well as he caught her and helped her regain an upright position.

'She's beautiful', Merlin commented.

Gwaine stood equally flabbergasted next to him.

'That she is.'

She had long dark hair, made up in a pony tale and wore the cutest snow-suit in the history of snow-suits (and noone was allowed to look cute in a _snow-suit_ , Merlin decided).

Arthur linked their hands together and started skating and then looked straight at them.

Merlins heart sank. Because while Arthurs face lit up in a greeting smile, Merlinl had only eyes for the linked hands between him and the girl.

They skated over to where Merlin and Gwaine stood.

'Hey boys,' Arthur greeted.

'This is Morgana. Morgana, this is Gwaine,' he looked at her, raising his eyebrows and added 'library-card guy,' before he laid a hand on Merlins shoulder and said: 'and this is Merlin, he's in my poetry class!'

Morgana was even more beautiful up close, Merlin thought.

She had beautiful green eyes, high cheek bones and full lips.

She smiled at them brightly and then in turn shook their hands.

'It is so nice meeting you both! Arthur has told me a lot about you two,' she beamed.

Merlin was mute. Gwaine recovered fairly quickly and said:

'It's very nice to meet you, too. Unfortunately we haven't heard a thing about you,' he fixed Arthur with a pointed look. 'And I have no idea how Arthur could keep someone like you to himself.'

Morgana laughed.

'Well, I'm the annoying little sister, what do you expect.'

Gwaine smiled.

'Sister, huh?' Before he could continue, Arthur said:

'Don't you dare use one of your lines on her.'

Gwaine laughed.

'Wouldn't dream of it. I was wondering if she maybe wanted to skate around the rink for a while. Gotta be annoying to have to hold on to your brother instead of a man of such great personality as myself.'

Arthur laughed. One of his head-back-in-glee laughs and Merlin finally got pulled out of his state of shock.

_Sister_ , the said to himself. _Sister, sister, sister_.

Morgana was clearly amused by Gwaine and took his arm.

'I think I'll have to decide that for myself. Lead the way, young knight!'

Gwaine didn't need to be told twice. He smiled his most winning smile at her and started to move.

He left Merlin all alone. With Arthur. In a perfect date setting. With Christmas music and lights and _ohmygod_ Arthur was beautiful. The lights was reflected in his eyes and Merlin thought he'd faint right there and then.

'You alright?' Arthur asked after a moment of silence.

'Sure, yeah, sure'

'We didn't... did we interrupt something?'

'No of course not!' Merlin felt himself grow hot. How many times did he have to say that going out with Gwaine in... any kind of universe would be definitely not happening?

Arthur smiled again, softer this time.

'If you're sure. Only, you look kind of out of it since we've arrived and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.'

'I'm not... I'm surprised you're here is all.'

After a moment, he added:

'She's beautiful.'

Arthur laughed.

'You want a go? I think maybe after Gwaine brings her back – if he brings her back. He better bring her back unharmed...' he babbled on.

Merlin blushed.

'No that's not what... I just... I just thought she was beautiful, I didn't mean anything by it.'

'Yeah well... you know how it is. A girl can look beautiful to other people but when she's your sister, she'll always look like a cow to you.'

He smirked and Merlin giggled.

'Don't tell her I said that.'

After a moment Arthur held his hand out.

'Okay so here is the thing. I can only skate if I can hold onto something. And I came here to skate. And Gwaine nicked my something. So I'm gonna have to hold on to you,' he stated matter of factly.

Merlin took his hand. His heart beating so fast and so loud that he was sure that Arthur must _hear_ it. Or feel it through two pairs of gloves, but Arthur simply started to skate. Slowly and carefully, pulling Merlin with him.

In that moment, the song changed and _All I Want For Christmas_ sounded from the loudspeakers.

Merlin gazed at Arthur, singing along in his mind:

_I just want you for my own_  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you.

With all his experiences of crushes and being in love... He'd never felt like this before. Never felt like he wanted to hold Arthurs hand and never let go. He Never thought it would be possible to have his these emotions enhanced but here he was. Holding Arthurs hand (well, not really. He was more supporting him but Merlin could pretend, couldn't he?) in this romantic setting almost made him cry (happy tears, happy tears!).

The song ended and Merlin skated over a bump on the ice.

Merlin felt like things were happening in slow motion. His hand got twisted in Arthurs and he fell.

_Great_ , he thought mortified when his head hit the ice. _Bravo Merlin, your clumsiness is perfectly timed, as always._

His head was throbbing and he felt like he couldn't see straight. The pain and his embarrassment hindered him from standing back up.

He could hear Arthur talk to him but it felt like it was very far away. He noticed that he was being manhandled and suddenly there was something soft beneath his head, like a pillow.

'Merlin? Merlin!'

'Yeah', he finally croaked.

And then, because apparently the head-injured version of him didn't have a filter:

'Well that was probably attractive.'

His head-cushion vibrated.

He heard Arthur giggle.

'Oh Merlin,' he said softly.

And then he could hear Gwaines concerned voice. Then he didn't hear anything anymore.

 

When Merlin woke up, he didn't know what time it was. Well, he didn't know anything, really.

He groaned and tried sitting up but was immediately pulled down again by the ache that pierced through his skull.

'Ow' he whispered and held his hand to his head.

'Merlin?', a second voice rung out. That made Merlin sit up, headache or not. He wasn't alone.

Now that he looked around him he noticed this wasn't his room either.

It was dark but he could make out a window on the opposite wall to where he lay. And _his_ window was behind his bed.

The owner of the voice switched on a small bedside lamp.

Arthurs concerned face appeared into Merlins line of vision.

'How are you feeling?'

Merlin tried to contemplate what was happening.

'Grand,' he croaked. Still feeling disoriented and just... weird.

'You hit your had pretty hard,' Arthur commented.

'There was a doctor at the rink, he said you'll probably have a bump on your head but he didn't think you'll have a concussion.'

'I...fell'

'Yeah'

The mortification from before came back but the loopy feeling Merlin had because of his throbbing head prevented him from dwelling on it.

'Where am I?' he inquired instead.

'Er, you're in my dorm room. Because well I have no idea where you live and Gwaine didn't either so I thought this was the best option.'

Merlin nodded and got up again.

'Thanks'

'You shouldn't get up yet,' Arthur simply said and tried pushing Merlin back down.

'I... I think I've been here long enough. I don't... I don't want to take up any more of your time,' he slurred.

'You're not. It's my fault, I probably skated too quickly and pulled you with me and...Merlin, I'm sorry.'

'Not your fault. I'm clumsy.'

Merlin pushed the covers from him and caught a glimpse of red and green. His Christmas sweater.

Right. Yeah, he decided to wear that.

Arthur saw him staring at his own chest and giggled.

'Cute sweater you’ve got there.'

Apparently Merlin was still able to blush. _Good to know_ , he thought because in that moment, he was blushing furiously.

'I... Where is...'

'Your jacket? I put it over the heater so it'd dry,' Arthur said soberly. He'd noticed that Merlin wasn't in a joking mood so he didn't want to push him by laughing about his choice of winter attire.

'Right, I, uhm... Can I go home?'

'I'd rather you stayed.'

Merlins mind immediately supplied one of his daydreams. One in which Arthur wanted him to stay because of him actually staying, not because of him suffering from a head injury because he was too clumsy once again.

'No, no. Not taking up any more of your time.' Merlin tried to sound like a human being. Like a human being that could be trusted to be let out into the cold night again.

'Alright,' Arthur agreed.

'But I'm taking you home. Where do you live?'

Merlin told him his address and Arthur took his car keys.

After a short 5 minute drive ('No Merlin I'm not letting you walk, what if you faint again?'), Merlin stood in front of his dorm room, opening the door.

He walked in, hung his jacket over his door knob and lay down on his bed. He pressed play on his song of the day and took out his phone. Arthur had put his number in there and told Merlin firmly to immediately text when he was safe in his room (because apparently he couldn't be trusted to walk a couple of steps on his own).

Mariahs voice sang:

_Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas_  
I won't even wish for snow  
And I'm just gonna keep on waiting  
Underneath the mistletoe, and Merlin sighed.

He just watched Arthurs number sitting in his phone book for a couple of minutes before opening a new text.

_In my room now. Thank you for everything._

Only a few seconds later his phone vibrated. It was Arthur.

_I'm Glad. Feel better. See you Monday._

Merlin read and re-read the message a couple of times before his eyelids got too heavy and he drifted off to sleep. Dreaming about fairy lights in Arthurs eyes and his hand holding on tight to his own. He fell asleep with a smile on his face. Too tired and too injured to feel anything but complete happiness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlins SOTD :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY


	5. Life of the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin head hurts, Arthur is fond of fun facts and Gwaine brings asian food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so so much for all the kudos/views/feedback! I love hearing from you guys. Any critisism/tips help :)

Merlin spent the rest of his weekend in bed. Everytime he tried getting up, his throbbing head convinced him to lie back down. It was still the best weekend Merlin had ever had.

His phone vibrated constantly because both Gwaine and Arthur kept texting him. Especially Arthurs texts put a smile on Merlins face. Most of them were pretty random like:

_did u know that there was a mcdonalds university? U can study hamburgerology there lol_

or

_morgana just made me see the new nicholas sparks film. Why do those even exist_

But then some of them sounded genuinely worried:

_U feeling ok? U have enough food?_

or  
 _call if u need anything_

Merlin answered every text and thought that he wouldn’t be able to write properly in uni the following week because his hand was starting to get sore.

Gwaine did come around on Sunday afternoon, bearing asian take away.

'My hero!' Merlin exclaimed. He hadn't noticed how hungry he really was. He'd only had eaten a bowl of cereal that morning and then was busy doing nothing. Listening to his song of the day ( _Life Of The Party_ by Shawn Mendes) and kept up with writing poetry ( _the feel of your hand – want to hold on forever – I might be in love_ ) because what else was there to do with a head like his?

'Well you could watch some telly,' Gwaine supplied while opening the container with the spring rolls. Merlin had already snatched a pair of chopsticks from him and waited patiently for his friend to settle down. Since Merlin only had a small room, they sat down on the floor, food spread out between them. He'd just put a bite of fried rice in his mouth when Gwaine looked at him smugly, smiled and said:

'So. How was having your head in Arthurs crotch area then?'

Merlin spluttered and most of the rice landed on the floor in front of him.

'I... what?'

'Yeah, what. Imagine my surprise when I keep his sister occupied for you to have some... alone time and I turn back around and you're both on the ice, romantic picnic style and you got your head in his lap.' Gwaine reached for one of the spring rolls and bit into it, closing his eyes as to savour the taste.

'Fried food, Merlin. Fried food.' He took another but still fixed Merlin with an inquiring look.

'Did I really have my head in his lap?'

Gwaine nodded gleefully.

'And then he carried you to his room. It was very fairytale like, I have to say.'

While Merlin did like the idea of him and Arthur being all couply and romantic, he would have liked to remember it. There was also the issue of Merlin not being himself at the time and Arthur feeling guilty for the accident but there was no harm in pretending for a bit, was there? Before Merlin could reply though, his phone vibrated three times in a row.

Gwaine froze and located the device.

'Whoooo wants to contact you this desperately?' he asked and snapped the phone from Merlins bed.

Merlin half-heartedly tried taking it from him but they both knew that an attempt would be in vain. Even if Merlin had his normal abilities of accuracy.

'Oh god you... he actually... actually I have no idea what this is,' Gwaine finally said, sounding confused. Merlin took the phone and read:

_Did u kno that the guy who dubbed mickey mouse married the woman who did minnie?_

and

_cute, huh?_

and

_relationship goals_

Merlin blushed before setting his phone aside. He didn't want Gwaine to see how desperately he wanted to reply.

'Well he texts me random facts.'

'He texts you random facts.'

'Yeah, uh, he gave me his number when he drove me home yesterday.'

'He gave you his number when he drove you home yesterday.'

'Would you stop repeating everything I say?' Merlin finally asked irritated.

Gwaine blinked a couple of times:

'Sorry, trying to get my head around it. So, are you guys a thing now?'

'No!' Merlin quickly answered, maybe a little too forcefully.

Gwaine raised one eyebrow.

'But you'd like to be.'

Merlin sighed. He had thought of little else for the past few hours but he had to admit that no. He would love to be friends with Arthur. Because who didn't love people who randomly texted you just because they felt like sharing something they'd heard? Who didn't like blokes who were insanely hot, funny _and_ sweet? But thinking about anything else than pure platonic friendship? Sure, Merlin was pretty sure that he could say that he was on his way to falling in love with Arthur. Especially since he knew how beautiful Arthur looked when light was reflected in his eyes. Or how he held on to Merlins hand as if his life depended on it?

But Merlin couldn't let himself think that way. When he dreamt about holding hands (not for ice skating reasons but for proper wanting to hold hands reasons), he got nervous. And not the good nervous either but the one where he felt like he was going to faint and have a heart attack. When he'd tried thinking about what it would be like to kiss Arthur the night before, he had felt as if he'd faint any moment.

'No,' he finally said.

Now Gwaine looked genuinely puzzled.

'But... you get this look in your eye when he's there like he's the only thing you see!' he cried agitatedly.

Merlin blushed again. He only had known Gwaine for a couple of weeks, there was no way he'd -

'I'm scared, okay?' - well, first time for everything. Even to admitting your crazy to a person that's not your cat. Or your diary.

'Of what?'

'Being rejected, getting hurt, being left, getting heart-broken... take your pick.'

Merlin glued his eyes to his rice and dug in, not reacting to Gwaine setting his plate down.

'He sends you funfacts. About a couple. Not only a couple but basically _the_ disney couple. And you didn't even reply. I think he's in more danger of feeling rejected right now than you are,' he finally mumbled, obviously taking Merlin seriously and not wanting to upset him.

Merlin grabbed his phone and sent the reply he had composed in his head since he'd read the message:

_real life disney couple. I like it. they stay together? If not it would break my heart_

A couple of seconds later he had a reply:

_theyre a disney couple, Merlin. theyll be together forever._

Merlin smiled before having his phone snatched away again. Gwaine groaned.

'You two are pathetic. What do you call this? What is this even? I don't know if this is flirting or what.'

'No, course not.'

'Sounds a lot like making 'happily-ever-after' plans to me.'

_Take your shot it might be scary, hearts are gonna break 'cause we don't have time to be sorry so baby be the life of the party_ – sounded from Merlins laptop.

'What's this song, anyway? And why are we listening to it in a loop?' Gwaine asked when he noticed that he wouldn't get an answer from Merlin.

Merlins face lit up.

'It's my song of the day!' he said excitedly.

'Song of the what now?'

Merlin shrugged and smiled lopsidedly.

'I like the idea of having a soundtrack of your day. Like you wake up and you feel a certain way and then you pick a certain song and then it's your soundtrack of that day. Like in the movies.'

Gwaine giggled (very unmanly but Merlin would never tell him that).

'You're cute Merlin.'

He had his chopsticks midway in the air before putting them back on his plate and point a finger at Merlin:

'That's what you mean with your hashtag! The SOTD one! On instragram! You put them underneath all the coffees you have!' he realised.

Merlin nodded.

'Yeah'

Gwaine smiled.

'You only put them underneath your _Monday_ coffees.'

'Well, they're special.' Merlin admitted, hoping Gwaine would let it go.

He just smirked.

'Because I'm having coffee with you, of course.' Merlin quickly added.

Gwaine nodded.

'Sure Merls, Sure. Make yourself believe that.'

Smiling, he continued eating his rice, occasionally humming along.

When he'd finished, he pushed the food away from him and lay down on the floor, closing his eyes.

When the song started for what felt like the umpteenth time (because of course Merlin was very aware of it now and wondered if this was weird behaviour. Having a soundtrack.), Gwaine sat upright and looked at Merlin.

He fished his phone from his pocket and sat down next to Merlin who was leaning against his bed.

'Give it your best smile,' Gwaine mumbled near Merlins ear before taking a picture of them.

Merlin watched as Gwaine opened the Instagram app and posted the picture ('It doesn't need a filter, Merlin! We. Are. Beautiful!' - 'You'll lose all your followers, including me, if you don't put a flattering filter on that right now.') with the caption:

_#SOTD we don't have to be ordinary make your best mistakes 'cause we don't have the time to be sorry so baby be the life of the party._

And then he tagged Merlin. Merlin was happy. He felt important. Important enough to be on Gwaines Instagram, important enough to be on a picture other people took the time to like (over 100 likes in 10 minutes) and to be commented on ('omg, is this your new bf? So cute' – 'U two are adorable' - '<3').

While he beamed at his own phone, looking at the picture of the two of them in his own app, Gwaine watched him, smiling fondly.

'I'm gonna be your fairy godmother, Merlin.'

Merlin laughed. The kind of laugh that bubbles up, when you hear something ridiculous.

'You what?'

'Your fairy godmother. The Pascal to your Rapunzel, the Olaf to your Anna or the Dobby to your Harry. I'm gonna look out for you, Merls. Because you're worth being looked out for. And we are going to get you cured from your fear of intimacy so you can be part of your own Disney couple and be disgustingly happy with your blonde, blue-eyed Disney prince.'

Halfway through his speech, Gwaine had closed his eyes and had placed his hand over his heart, speaking very solemnly.

Merlin giggled.

'Yeah, sure. Do you actually fulfil any requirements for the job?' he asked, trying to remain serious.

Gwaine pushed his hair out of his face and said:

'You mean besides being charming, handsome and funny? I think you will find that I am the perfect man for the job, thank you very much.'

Merlin grinned. He hadn't felt this good for a long, long time.

Gwaine checked his phone and actually squealed in glee before showing it to Merlin. There was a new comment underneath their picture. Someone called thePDragon

said: _Having fun without me? Traitors. See the two of you tomorrow. :)_

'Who's that?' Merlin wanted to know.

Gwaine just klicked on the username and a lot of pictures of a blonde boy appeared. Merlin held his breath.

'Arthur.'

 

When Gwaine finally left (at around eleven because 'Merlin I need my beauty sleep.'), he hugged Merlin very tightly and whispered:

' _Take your shot, it might be scary, hearts are gonna break_ – but it's gonna be worth it Merls. It really will be.'

Merlin closed the door behind his friend and lay down on his bed. He smiled. For the first time in... forever, he wasn't scared. He felt confident, happy... sleepy.

He took one last look at his phone and on a whim and high on happiness clicked on the follow button on thePDragon's Instagram page. He looked at a couple of his pictures and couldn't help but smile.

Without clearing the rubbish from the floor, he fell asleep. Dreaming of fairy godmothers. He wasn't sure what the next Monday would bring but he was quite certain that going ice skating – with Gwaine of all people – would change his life for the better.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlins SOTD :)))  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fcTCMWx2-s


	6. Lego House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mint Coffee and Ed Sheeran - What's not to like?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so so much for all the feed back! You light up my days :)

Merlin didn't even feel his head that much anymore come Monday. The only thing left was a very faint pain and a lot of embarrassment. He was nervous seeing Arthur for the first time since The Ice Skating Incident. Rationally, he knew that Arthur wouldn't be weird towards him, especially after a weekend of texting but Merlin couldn't help but feel anxious. He had no idea where the two of them stood. Were they friends now? They did talk to each other a lot in text but other than that... he simply didn't know.

'So, you are having fun with Gwaine without me then. You wound me,' Arthur said moping, when he flopped down next to Merlin.

Merlin studied his face, trying to suss out whether Arthur was serious or not.

'Sorry,' Merlin blushed.

'He just... kind of... showed up.'

Arthur nodded in understanding.

'If I had known that 'just showing up' was an option, I would have been there first thing Sunday morning.'

When Merlin didn't reply (he really didn't trust his mouth not to say something stupid like: 'We could have had breakfast in bed...together.'), Arthur added:

'I was worried.'

Like that made Merlins situation easier. In Merlins mind, the next words out of Arthurs mouth were _I love you_ , so he quickly shook his head, trying to destroy all daydream material in it. _Later_ , he thought, _later_.

'Sorry,' he mumbled again.

'Thank you for... you know and driving me home and then all the texts.'

'I hope I wasn't intrusive...'

Merlin turned, looking at Arthur with wide eyes. How could this boy ever think of himself as intrusive?

'No! Arthur, no. It was... lovely. Thank you, I was very entertained! I loved texting with you.'

Okay, it wasn't supposed to come out this strong but here it was.

Arthur smiled, a little sadly.

'Until Gwaine showed up.'

Merlin nodded and echoed:

'Until Gwaine showed up.'

They were cut off at this point because the professor started his lecture and Merlin thought he would never get sick of listening to Arthur talk about romance and true love, even though he was just talking about poems.

 

They walked to the coffee shop together and the whole time Merlin was wondering if they'd continue their routine where Arthur sat on a table near by and read or if he would join them. He wanted to ask but he felt like his ability to speak was temporarily not available (beeeep).

They entered the coffee shop and as it turned out, Merlin didn't even have to ask. Arthur sat down at Merlins and Gwaines usual table and didn't even falter in talking about the upcoming term paper they would have to write for their poetry class.

Merlin just nodded along, having no idea how to write such a thing. He voiced his concerns a bit sheepishly because really, could he look any more stupid in front of Arthur?

'We can work on it together if you want,' he offered instead.

'I just bring my laptop by your place and if we have questions or need input we ask each other.'

 _You mean if_ I _have questions and if_ I _need input, I can ask_ you, Merlin thought bitterly. Nevertheless, he was thrilled at the prospect of working with Arthur.

Gwaine finally came into the coffee shop and immediately spotted them at their usual table.

'Ladies,' he nodded to Merlin and Arthur in turn.

'I'm getting our fine selves some hot beverages, shall I?'

Merlin beamed at him. Gwaine getting him a coffee of his choosing was one of the great pleasures in life. Like opening lucky bags he used to love as a kid only with a lot more chocolate... and cream.

'Yessir!' He said enthusiastically. Gwaine smiled in return and went to the counter.

'Why is he getting us coffee?' Arthur asked warily.

'Because he gets a thrill from seeing my reaction to the monstrosities he usually puts in front of me,' Merlin shrugged. 'And I get free coffee.'

Arthur laughed _The Laugh_ , as Merlin had dubbed it (the one where he lets his head fall back in genuine glee), and said: 'Bring it on!'

 

Gwaine put his mug down and fixed Arthur with a stare.

'So, princess, have you come to our little sanctuary to tell me you want me after all?' he placed his hand over his heart mockingly.

Merlin snorted (very attractive Merlin, very attractive) and Arthur just laughed.

'First of all, if anyone is any kind of princess, it is you,' he said and flicked Gwaine's ear, who in return looked absolutely scandalised.

'Second of all. Even if you didn't run around quoting the crème de la crème of bad pick up lines,' Arthur shrugged, 'you're simply not my type.'

Gwaine smiled mischievously and glanced at Merlin before asking:

'What is your type then, princess?'

Arthurs gaze landed on the bright green mint-chocolate coffee (Merlin had the same only with extra whipped cream) in front of him and he scrunched up his nose.

'You know what? No idea really. Just know it's not you.'

Judging by the slow smile Gwaine gave him, he didn't believe a word of it. Especially since he noticed Arthur looking in Merlins direction before answering and was now sporting a very faint blush.

'Ex-Boyfriends, then, Celebrity crushes, anything. Merlin and I have loads of those, right Merls?'

Arthur eyes flickered over to Merlin.

'Really?'

'Loads,' Merlin answered solemnly, thinking about the hundreds of pictures of hot celebrities on his computer.

'Which one, ex-boyfriends or celebrity crushes?' Arthur challenged.

Merlin had just taken a sip of his coffee when Gwaine gleefully declared: 'Both!'

After a coughing fit that was only dissolved with Arthur patting his back, he said: 'Celebrity crushes.'

Arthur nodded seemingly pleasede, and let his eyes roam over Merlins face for a moment.

'I do have a couple of shows I mainly watch for the actors,' he finally admitted.

'Examples, we need examples,' chimed Gwaine.

'I dunno really...er, Grant Gustin? The guy who plays _the Flash_? He's adorable. Also... well, most of the teen wolf cast really.'

Gwaine smiled wickedly.

'So your type basically is dark-haired, lanky and cute,' he concluded.

Arthurs blush grew. 'I...I guess.'

'Interesting,' Gwaine looked over to Merlin, who'd gotten red like a tomato.

 _Leave it_ , he mouthed, hoping his friend would get the hint.

He didn't want Arthur to catch up on what Gwaine was doing. Instead he quickly asked:

'So, have you seen the Arrow, then? I _did not_ see what happened in the last episode coming. Like at all.'

But Gwaine wouldn't be Gwaine if he'd let matters go so easily.

'Ex-boyfriends then,' he said loudly.

'What do they usually look like?'

Arthur got beetroot red in the face and stared at the table. Suddenly the pattern on the table cloth was the most interesting thing in the world.

'Er, didn't have one of those yet, so... no idea really...'

Gwaine forcefully put down his mug.

'What do you mean you haven't had a boyfriend yet?' he inquired incredulously.

Arthur nervously ran his fingers through his hair and made it stand up a bit ( _don't stare, Merlin, don't stare. It doesn't matter that it's the most adorable thing you've ever seen_ ).

'I don't know I just haven't had... look, I never had a partner before, can we just drop it?'

Gwaine nodded.

'Sorry mate, didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.'

Merlin observed the two of them before saying: 'So, the Arrow?'

And they were off discussing the Arrow and other TV shows, which Merlin loved. He could talk to Arthur forever. He was sure he'd never get sick of the way he pronounced his name either. _Mer_ lin. Stressing the _Mer_. It was just lovely. Just sitting here, talking, and Merlin’s world was in balance.

 

On his way home, he listened to his SOTD (Lego House – Ed Sheeran) while putting todays mint-coffee on Instagram.

 

#SOTD Lego House – Ed Sheeran. Cheers @Gman ! _'It's dark in a cold December (November) but I've got you to keep me warm_ ' Right, @thePDragon?

 

Only after Gwaine texted Merlin ' _aww keeping each other warm already?_ ', he noticed how suggestive it was. But deleting it would make him look even more suspicious so he decided to leave it. He was glad he did when a couple of hours later, Arthur had posted:

_It'll forever keep us sheltered from the storm that's raging on._

Which put a smile on Merlins face so wide that he was afraid it would split in two any second.

_My three words have two meanings, there's one thing on my mind, it's all for you._

He sang under his breath when he finally got home.

 

One thing every college student loves but noone would ever admit: Instant Ramen.

Merlin hummed in contentment when he put the first fork full of the delicious noodles in his mouth. He would cook tomorrow, he thought, he really would. Vegetables and... stuff. But the kitchen was always cramped with strangers and where was the appeal in that? His mother would say to go out and to socialise but thankfully, she was a couple of thousand miles away in the very small town of Ealdor where noone ever was a stranger. Merlin relished in the feeling _not_ to be known for once.

Gwaine called just as Merlin came back from rinsing out his bowl and putting it back on the shelf.

'He's never had a boyfriend, Merls!' he shouted gleefully.

Merlin laughed. 'I heard. If you make it a habit to ask awkward questions, you'll scare him off and I won't get a chance to be in his presence.'

'Pish posh, you ought to thank me really for making him admit that.'

'But he was really uncomfortable.'

'Yeah, because of me, not because of you. He'll come back to talk to you. You're stupid if you can't see he likes you.'

'I like a lot of people, too. I like you for example but that doesn't mean I want to kiss your face off everytime I see you.'

He could practically hear Gwaine smirk self satisfied over the phone.

'Thinking about kissing his face off, are we? Progress Merlin. We'll make a proper man out of you, yet.'

'I am not Mulan.'

'I know, if you were you were a lot manlier.'

Merlin had to stifle a laugh, he would not give Gwaine the satisfaction of having the upper hand.

'Well if you were Li Shang, I'd think about being manlier just for you. But you're not so I can -'

'Lie in bed, listening to Ed Sheeran all evening? Yes, yes you can.'

'And I will.'

'Meanwhile I will go out and have a good time. With people. That's a concept that is yet to be understood by you. We'll go out this weekend, Merlin. I'll call Morgana so the two of them can come along.'

'You talk to Morgana?'

'Only all the time. She is beautiful, have you noticed? Alright Merls, talk to you later, Bus is here. Ta!'

'Bye,' Merlin said and hung up.

Going out made him nervous. Not only was he scared of all the people who were going to be there but his constant fear of not being granted entrance to a bar or a club because the bouncer didn't like how he looked was terrifying.

He made himself a cuppa and sat down with his notebook.

 _I really have to learn how to write proper poems_ , he thought while reading through all his past Haikus.

Finally, he wrote:

 

_Peppermint Coffee_

_Your smile is so much sweeter_

_My heart is melting_

 

Satisfied, he put his book away and continued to listen to _Lego House_ until his phone vibrated.

_Going out next weekend. I'm in if you're in. Only then._

Arthur had written. Merlin smiled.

 _So in,_ he replied.

_See you then Merls_

Merlin stared at his screen. Up until now only Gwaine had called him that. But he liked it. It was the first nickname someone had ever given him and he felt special when it was used. Like someone liked him enough to play around with his name. Like Arthur liked him enough to use it now, too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4BLVznuWnU


	7. Better With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur decides to pull 'a Gwaine move'. Merlin's not complaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you guys so much for your feedback and likes and lovely comments <3 I hope you'll like this one :) I'm guessing there will be around five more chapters!

On Friday, Merlin woke up at 10 am. When he slowly swam into consciousness, he remembered that he had nowhere to be because his only lecture of the day was canceled. He smiled and uncurled from his sleeping position.

_Coffee_ , he thought longingly and made his way to the kitchen. He didn't even care about showing up in there in his PJ's because it was very unlikely that there was anyone around since everyone normally was at university by now.

When he felt a little more alive (coffee will do that to a bloke), he decided to get dressed despite having nowhere to be and selected his SOTD – This Wild Life – _Better with you_. It was exactly what he needed on a rainy day like this. Especially since he planned on doing his coursework (finally) .He wanted to get a head start on studying for his exams and how to write his term paper.

Merlin knew he was listening to a sad song but he couldn't help but feel butterflies rummaging in his chest when the line  _ I'm better with you, you're better with me _ sounded from his laptop.  _ Of course _ , his thoughts immediately went to Arthur and  _ The Laugh _ .

He had been studying for hours, when he stopped for a lunch break (and actually did cook himself a meal because the kitchen was clear). Afterwards, he indulged in an episode of  _ The Flash _ and then continued writing an essay for one of his classes.

 

A knock sounded from his door. Ripped from his thoughts about Ben Jonsons poems, he stood and opened it.

'Arthur,' he said breathlessly. His eyes had gone wide and he felt like it was hard to breathe. Was he hallucinating? Probably. Why else would Arthur Pendragon stand in front of his room on a Friday afternoon smiling sheepishly at him.

'I figured it was my turn to simply show up...,' he said and then scrunched up his nose in thought (which was only the cutest thing Merlin had ever seen and he couldn't help but stare). 

'Except...uh, I can leave if you're... busy.'

Merlin smiled. He didn't think he would ever get sick of how Arthur went from self-confident god to awkward schoolboy in seconds. He glanced at the clock above his bed and saw that it was already past six. He hadn't even noticed the time.

'Come in,' he stepped aside for Arthur to enter his room. 'I was just finishing up.'

'What were you doing?' he asked curiously. Merlin waved his hand dismissingly. 'Just studied a bit.' 

'Studying? On a day off? Nerd,' Arthur commented fondly while he set down the plastic bag he brought on Merlin's desk.

'What is that?' both boys asked simultaneously and laughed.

'The song,' Arthur clarified while Merlin explained: 'In the bag?'

Merlin beamed at Arthur and explained to him his Soundtrack ritual (he wanted to make himself stop halfway through but he couldn't. How much nerdiness could Arthur take before walking back out again?). 

'So... you're... listening to only one song for the whole day?' 

Merlin felt the blush spread on his cheeks.

'Kinda, yeah?'

Arthur smiled.

'That seems awesome actually. You can like... listen to... I don't know, Darth Vaders theme and strut around like fucking royalty all day long,' he smiled as if that was the best idea he'd ever had. Merlin couldn't help but grin back: 'Exactly.'

'This one's kinda sad, though...' Arthur remarked and studied Merlin questioningly. 

Merlin shrugged. 

'I like it and it felt good for a rainy study day. Also, the band amuses me so much. Google them when you get home, they make the sweetest music and they look so mad on all their photos. Also, very strong beard-game,' he wriggled his eye-brows.

Arthur laughed.

'You liking beards, Merlin?'

Another shrug.

'Yeah why not, if they're well groomed?'

Both boys erupted in giggles.

'Bag?' Merlin finally asked and approached Arthur and the mysterious plastic bag slowly.

Arthur smirked.

'Gwaine gets you Asian take away? I get you the _best_ burgers in the city _and_ a Doctor Who box set. What do you say?' 

Merlin grinned at Arthur. It felt so easy. So incredibly easy. 

'I'd say you should show up unannounced more often.'

'Yeah?' Arthur looked at him with with such honest curiosity on his face that all Merlin wanted to do _was_ kiss his face off (not that he'd tell Gwaine that.)

'Yeah,' he murmured back and smiled softly.

Arthur, seemingly pleased, unpacked the bag and when the scent of fried food (what was it with his friends bringing him fried food?) wafted at Merlins nose he noticed how hungry he really was.

Without hesitation, Arthur sat on Merlins bag and unpacked the Doctor Who Box-set.

'Is your Laptop able to play these?' he asked and held the DVDs up for Merlins inspection. But there was nothing further from Merlins mind because Arthur Pendragon actually _sat on his bed_. He forgot how to breathe for a second.

'Merlin? Merlin??'

'Uhm, yeah?' Merlin snapped out of his thoughts and concentrated on Arthurs face.

'DVDs? In your Laptop?'

'Yeah,' he just replied. He felt very lame but he did concentrate on not loosing his overall cool when he sat down next to Arthur, taking the food with him.

 

They watched about three episodes of the tv series but Merlin felt they'd done anything _but_ that. They had talked all the way through the first episode and ate during the second. They were on their third when Arthur suddenly said:

'So, going out tomorrow night then.' 

'Yeah,' Merlin agreed, 'it's gonna be fun.'

'You gonna try to pull someone?'

Merlin laughed.

'Me? Do I look like the kind of bloke who goes out and just pulls people? No, that's more Gwaines thing.'

He didn't want to ask, but on the other hand he wanted to be prepared for the possibility so he finally asked:

'What about you?'

Arthur laughed humourlessly.

'Did you not listen when Gwaine made me admit to never having had a boyfriend?'

Merlin shrugged, 'Doesn't mean you don't have like... people over.'

He knew that his voice was trembling a bit. He didn't want to think about Arthur and other people. He wanted to think of Arthur sitting next to him on his bed watching tv. 

Arthur turned his head and looked directly at Merlin.

'I'm not that kind of guy.'

Merlin nodded. Secretly he was relieved. He fixed his eyes on the screen as to not to show that. 

 

After another episode (which they actually watched this time), Arthur yawned and stood up.

'Well then, if I am to watch Gwaine use his terrible lines on people tomorrow, I'd better be well rested.'

Merlin got up as well and helped Arthur to pack his DVDs and the rubbish ('I brought it Merlin, I'm gonna take it again. No point in arguing. There is a bin downstairs I saw on the way up.') and brought him to his door.

'I had a really great time,' Arthur said and leaned in to pull Merlin into a hug. And a long one at that. Merlin closed his eyes for a second as he hid his face in Arthurs neck and tried to remember everything about this moment (he didn't know if and when there would be another hug situation after all).

When Arthur let him go, he looked at him and sincerely said:

'Thank you for stopping by. You should show up more often.'

Arthur smirked.

'I'll keep that in mind.'

There was a short pause, Merlin simply smiling at Arthur and Arthur smiling back.

'I'll see you tomorrow, yeah? Going out with Gwaine and my sister. What could possibly go wrong?' Arthur joked.

'Bye, Merls.'

And with that he was gone.

'Bye,' Merlin whispered against his closed door.

He went back to his bed, lay down and instantly opened up his spotify again to click play on his SOTD.

_There is nobody else who could love you the way that I do  
Who can love you the way that I do? _

He remembered the hug and instantly hid his face in his pillow.

_What is air_ , he asked himself while smiling absently at the spot Arthur had occupied a few moments earlier.

 

He sat back up and tried sorting out his thoughts. What had actually happened? And what did it mean? All of it? The simply showing up, the bringing food, the watching TV?

He knew he'd lie awake all night if he didn't talk to someone about it so he found himself call Gwaines number.

When he'd finished his tale, Gwaine was unusually quiet.

'Gwaine?'

'Still here. Processing.'

'But... that was good, right?'

'Merls, that was actually brilliant! Look at you two! Princess coming by... you two netflixing and chilling...'

Merlin went red in the face and tried to explain: 'It wasn't like _that_... there was no... netflixing and chilling...'

But Gwaine didn't even listen, he talked right over Merlin:

'I'm so proud of the two of you... awww, my little pets,' he crooned and Merlin scrunched up his nose: 'We're no pets of any kind.'

'Oh shush, I'm scheming.'

'For what?' Merlin was outraged, this couldn't be good.

'Oh come on, tomorrow evening? I'm thinking putting you into veeeery sexy clothes and placing you two next to each other on a very tiny booth and oh, alcohol. Lots of it.'

They kept discussing the upcoming evening for a while longer until Gwaine told Merlin to get his beauty sleep and hung up.

 

Merlin smiled. He really could get used to this. Talking to friends on the phone, having a boy over he liked. He still was very sure of nothing ever happening between the two of them (He still owned a mirror after all.) but he liked the feeling he got when Arthur was there. He loved how Arthur made him feel. Like he was important. When Arthur talked to him, Merlin had the feeling that in that moment there wasn't anyone else in the world.

 

_He grabbed his notebook and scribbled:_

_Long hugs are the best_

_But having you by my side_

_Is so much better_

and (because he was in a two-haikus kind of mood)

 

_Having you so close_

_does such wondrous things to me_

_You are beautiful_

 

He went to bed smiling that night, still listening to This Wild Life ( _There's nothing that I wouldn't give, There's still a space that I have buried away, It's deep in my heart, it's always your place)_ and dreaming about what the future would bring.  _Hopefully more hugs_ , he thought when he finally drifted into a peaceful sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also as usual, Merlins SOTD :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5as2gVEGjI


	8. for him.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin being anxious, Gwaine being a good Friend and Arthur being Arthur, basically.

When Merlin woke up, there was an unread text on his phone.

  
_Good morning, what is the SOTD?_

 

Merlin smiled. He could get used to waking up to Arthur's texts. Quickly, he replied:

 

_Whatever you want it to be just pick one :)_

 

_I want to have the same as you tho_

 

Merlin didn't know what to reply before another message came through:

 

_I like the thought of us having the same soundtrack._

 

Merlin’s cheeks heated and he got nervous. He knew he probably read waaaay too much into that statement. But he couldn't help but feel anxious. Joking around with Gwaine was one thing but he didn't know what to do if Arthur really did show interest (which was absurd anyway...). What was he supposed to do? It couldn't possibly last.

He knew he was selfish. He thought about Arthur constantly. He loved seeing him, talking to him and texting with him and he hated seeing Arthur do these things with anyone else.

But the mere thought at Arthur reciprocating his feelings made him feel anxious. So anxious that he had to lie down again.

_Breathe, Merlin, breathe_ , he reminded himself.

He thought about everything he and Arthur had talked about and everything he knew about him.

_I know him_ , he thought. _I know him, he's one of the good ones._

Yet the thought of any kind of intimacy (mental or physical) made him panic. And not simply panic, he had a full on episode, shaking hands, dizzyness and nausea. Finally, he sat back up again. Arthur hadn't suggested anything in that direction yet. He wouldn't, would he? He wouldn't. He was gorgeous after all.

Merlin made himself text back because it simply wouldn't be fair to Arthur if he didn't. He checked his Laptop for the next song in his queue: Troye Sivan – _for him._

_Perfect_ , he thought and closed his eyes. Only one of his favourite love songs.

 

_Troye Sivan, for him.,_ he simply wrote back.

 

About four minutes later, there was a reply.

 

_I like it 's happier than your song yesterday. 'Whatever I lack you make up' Loving the lyrics over here_

 

Merlins heart kept beating faster.

_He's your friend_ , he firmly told himself, _no need to panic. He's not going to hurt you._

 

He hummed along to the song as he got up and went about his morning routine. Only occasionally, his thoughts would stray to Arthur. He wished he was different. He wished he could read all those texts and be with him and then giggle like a love sick teenage girl. He would love to do that, hell he'd done that up until he started to panic. He shook his head at himself and said out loud: 'God, get it together for fucks sake.'

He spent the morning in a kind of frenzy alternating between feeling like a love sick girl at the prospect of seeing Arthur that evening and panicking because of that.

 

Around noon, a knock sounded from his door. He'd been taking a nap and was a bit groggy when he went to open it.

'Hey Merls, you...why are you in your pyjamas?' Gwaine greeted him.

Merlin rubbed his eyes.

'I was, uh, napping.'

Gwaine squinted at him.

'Why?'

'Well, you know that saying 'when in doubt, take a nap?'-'

'No.'

'Exactly, we all do, so that's what I was doing. Napping.'

Merlin stepped to the side so his friend could come in.

Gwaine did step in but kept looking warily at Merlin.

'Are you alright?'

'Can I cancel? For tonight?'

The look on Gwaine's face resembled nothing short than complete confusion.

'Why would you do that?'

Merlin sighed and sat down on his bed.

'Because, I'm kind of... scared,' he admitted.

Gwaine joined him, sat down and actually sounded concerned:

'Because of what?'

'I don't know... tonight, Arthur...'

'I thought you liked Arthur?'

'I... do like him.'

'Merlin I thought you liked liked him.'

'I did... I do... It's more complicated then that.'

There was a pause in which Gwaine studied his friend intently.

'You think he might hurt you.'

'No, it's not like that...'

'The fuck it's not. Everyone can see that you two are completely besotted with each other.'

'He just wants to be friends...'

'Merlin... That boy like likes you. You like like him. What's the problem?'

'Oh I don't know, Gwaine,' he said angrily.

'I'm weird and emotionally unstable and I am incredibly terrified of intimacy of any kind and I... I just I couldn't handle anything with anyone alright? I couldn't.'

Gwaine nodded.

'Alright, alright...'

'You must think I'm crazy...' Merlin sighed.

'I think your head is crazy. I don't think you are crazy, Merls, you're my mate. And funnily enough my best one at that.' He looked at Merlin.

'Somehow people often don't seem to like me.'

Merlin laughed at that.

'Well, you can be a bit... much.'

Gwaine nodded approvingly.

'And you still keep me around. Up you go now, you need to be ready for the bar.'

'It's only noon!'

Gwaine glanced at Merlin’s bedhead and mumbled:

'Yes, It could take that long...'

 

They arrived at the bar at 8 o'clock ('Happy Hour, yaaay,' Gwaine had exclaimed.) Morgana and Arthur were already there when Merlin and Gwaine entered. The first thing Merlin noticed was how dashingly handsome Arthur looked. He wore a black button down and had his sleeves rolled up (come on, who in the history of rolled up sleeves was not enamoured by that). The second thing he noticed was how he glared at the arm Gwaine had around Merlin’s neck in good humour and immediately started panicking again.

'Ladies,' Gwaine said when he said next to Morgana to leave the only empty seat between him and Arthur.

Merlin glared at his friend, he thought he made himself and his feelings clear but apparently Gwaine was of the opinion to face ones fears heads on.

'Hey,' Arthur whispered and smiled at Merlin.

'Hi,' Merlin smiled back but tried to keep his distance. There wasn't a lot of space in the booth so it was inevitable for their knees not to constantly brush against one another.

Merlin’s resolve was one Gwaine always preached: alcohol.

Gwaine had decided to transfer their coffee arrangement to cocktails and ordered for Merlin.

'What's this?' he asked, when a bright pink drink landed in front of him.

'Drink up Merls, drink up,' Gwaine simply smirked when a similar one was placed in front of Arthur.

'You're getting us cosmopolitans?' Arthur laughed.

'Everything for my princesses,' Gwaine said theatrically and placed a hand over his heart. He himself had ordered a classic caipirinha and Morgana had gotten something very fruity.

'Cheers,' Morgana said and they clinked their glasses.

Oh boy, Merlin thought, this was going to be a long evening.

 

Three hours and four more drinks later, Merlin had forgotten about everything on his mind. He was pressed against Arthur from his hip to his ankle and he enjoyed himself immensely.

Gwaine was just telling one of the stories that ended with him getting slapped when Merlin started feeling a bit dizzy (pleasantly so!) and excused himself saying he needed some air.

The night was clear albeit cold and Merlin leaned his head back against the stone wall of the bar. All around him, people were laughing and talking and smoking and he felt alright.

The alcohol had dulled his senses and there was nothing in the world he would rather be doing then standing here and then going back in.

He noticed movement directly next to him and saw Arthur, staring wide-eyed at him.

'Hey,' he smiled. God Arthur was beautiful, he thought.

'You'll catch your death,' Arthur said fondly and handed Merlin his jacket.

'It's November you clown,' he added for good measure.

'Thanks,' Merlin slipped in his jacket and stared at the sky.

'You don't have to say I love you to say I love you, forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons,' Arthur murmured very close to Merlin’s ear.

'Huh?'

Even though the alcohol had somewhat dulled the anxious feeling in his chest but in that moment breathing was a concept Merlin didn't understand.

'Troye Sivan? Your song of the day?' Arthur said laughing.

'Just, you looking at the sky and the stars and the moons and...' suddenly, Arthur went red in the face and mumbled something about going back in before he was gone.

_Just, you looking at the sky and the stars and the moons_ he'd said.

Merlin smiled. Yeah, Arthur had really listened to the song he sent him.

It made him feel really good because he thought that lyrics were incredibly important for a song and Arthur had apparently  _listened_ .

It filled Merlin with a sense of pride. He smiled at the sky again before he re-entered the bar only to find Gwaine and Morgana alone at their booth, laughing.

'Where's Arthur?' the both asked when he sat back down.

'Huh? He came back in before me,' Merlin said, puzzled.

Gwaine had a worrying look on his face before he stood up and went in the direction from which Merlin had just come.

Morgana stared at Gwaine leaving form until he vanished behind the door.

'You know Merlin,' she said soberly. 

'My brother is a very decent man,' she scrunched up her nose, 'boy...manboy...whatever.' 

She looked intently at Merlin when she said:

'Please don't hurt him.'

Merlin laughed. The mere thought of him being capable of hurting Arthur was hilarious.

'Believe me,' he mumbled while sipping the new drink that had appeared in his absence.

'I'm not the kind of bloke who hurts people. I'm the kind of bloke that's getting hurt. Always,' he smiled.

Morgana studied his face a while longer before she smiled back and said:

'You have no idea, have you,' she drained her drink and stood up.

'I'll be right back,' and left in the direction of the bathrooms.

'Right,' Merlin mumbled looking all around him, being alone at his booth when Gwaine and Arthur re-entered the bar.

'Where's Morgana?' Gwaine asked and when Merlin simply pointed to the loos, he nodded and walked in the same direction.

'Where have you been?' Merlin turned to Arthur who sheepishly looked at his drink.

'Outside, thinking, getting a clear head,' he murmured and Merlin nodded in understanding.

'Thought about anything good?'

'Depends'

'On?'

Arthur sighed.

'Merlin, you want to... do something sometime? Just the two of us?'

'Yeah, why not,' Merlin said and downed his cocktail.

Hanging out with Arthur was fun, it was easy. That is if he didn't have anxiety at the time.

'How about next Friday then?'

Merlin nodded. 'Sure thing!'

'Cool... what do you want to do?'

'We could get coffee...' Merlin said with a dreamy look.

Arthur laughed.

'Yeah, I know you love your coffee... But uhm, I was thinking something a bit more special.'

'Special?'

'Yeah... dinner?'

Merlin shrugged.

'Alright,' he said and dozed off. Right there on the table.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlins song of the day :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaGncqPtWzE


	9. All About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confusion, True Love and... Penguins?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you so much for all the feedback :) I really apprechiate it :) I hope you like this one :) It's a bit sappy...

Merlin woke up with a dolt. He had a very foul taste in his mouth and the first thing he did was brush his teeth. Groggily he went to the kitchen to get some coffee (hangover remedy number one!) and almost dropped the mug when a few snippets of conversation of the night before came back to him:

_ '...just the two of us...' _

_ '...next friday...' _

_ '...something more special...' _

_ '...dinner...' _

'Oh my...' he started and then put his mug down so he could use both hands to steady himself on the kitchen tiles.

Had that actually happened? Did he say yes to a date on Friday? Or was that one of his dream sequences?

He fished out his phone from his pocket and dialled Gwaine's number. It was after 11 o'clock after all, he would probably be up... right?  


'Yeah,' Gwaine said sleepily.

'Hi, uh, quick question. Did I say yes to a date?'

Merlin could hear sheets being ruffled and Gwaine sounded much more awake when he said:

'What?'

'I think I might've said yes to a date.'

'With Arthur?'

'I think,'

'That's... ohhh that's brilliant Merls! I'm so happy for you. Why do I sound happier than you?'

'I'm... I don't know, I'm not sure it was real...'

'Well, only one way to find out, ask him.'

'Yeah because that's something that sounds like me. Going up to him and saying 'Hi Arthur, hey, uh, might've been a dream, yeah? Because I have them a lot but uh maybe, did you actually ask me out?' I see that going down very well.'

Gwaine snickered.

'Sounds good to me. I mean we were all sloshed yesterday.'

'You weren't'

'No'

'Why?'

'I wanted to keep an eye on you.'

'In case I did something stupid?'

'In case you got scared. Are you scared right now?'

'Of course I am. Bloody terrified.'

'Of?'

'The date being real?'

Gwaine sighed.

'That would actually be the most romantic fairy tale-y thing ever. So shut up and take it.'

'I... He... I don't know. I'm all anxious,'

Merlin sat down on the kitchen table and slowly drank his coffee.

'He's gorgeous, I'm weird and have this anxiety thing. It's not gonna work out.'

'Oh my god Merlin,'

Gwaine sounded agitated.

'Let me tell you something. You, my friend, are freaking beautiful. I know that, Arthur knows that. The anxiety thing... yeah, could be a bit of a trouble. But you deserve it so so much. And we're gonna find out if your Dream Date is real or not tomorrow, yeah?'

Merlin nodded absently before he remembered that Gwaine couldn't see him so he cleared his voice and said:

'Yeah'

They kept talking for a bit and Merlin took his mug back to his room to sit more comfortably.

When they hung up, he felt better than he had before. More relaxed. The alcohol induced headache was only a dull ache on the back of his skull. He felt okay, like he could do the date if it was real. Like he wouldn't be too afraid to go.

He decided on not doing anything that day. On having a nice cosy Sunday in. He caught up with all of his favourite TV shows and fanboyed over his favourite actors. He felt like himself. Like this was what he did. Only occasionally his thoughts strayed to Arthur and he alternated between panicking and falling in love more and more with him. 

 

On Monday morning, he was as nervous as could be. He couldn't remember half of Saturday night and he didn't know how Arthur would behave towards him. He sat in his poetry class early, waiting for Arthur to arrive and playing nervously with his pen. 

'Hey,' Arthur said softly when he finally sat down beside Merlin.

'Hey,' Merlin echoed and smiled at him. 

'So uh, some night, Saturday...,' he said, hoping to know more about what had happened.

Arthur laughed.

'Yeah, some night...'

It was only then that Merlin realised that Arthur kept fidgeting. He seemed to be as nervous as himself.

'Can't remember half of it,' he admitted finally.

Arthur looked at him, brow furrowed.

'Do you remember about... Friday?'

It was real then. Merlin thought his heart had stopped and he needed a second to compose himself.

'Us hanging out?'

'Us going on a _date_.'

Merlin felt his usual nausea whenever he got scared of someone getting too close but he forced himself to nod. He loved the boy next to him and he was not going to fuck this up.

'Yeah I remember,' he smiled again and Arthur visibly relaxed.

His face broke out in a smile so wide that Merlin thought it shone brighter than the sun. Arthur giggled and blushed.

'I'm sorry,' he babbled.

'I'm really sorry, I wasn't sure whether you remembered and I just... I'm happy, is all.'

Before Merlin could reply anything, the lecture started.

But he kept looking at Arthur and Arthur kept smiling and Merlin thought that maybe, just maybe this would turn out okay.

 

'What's the song?'

Arthur asked a while later when the two of them plus Gwaine sat in their usual spot at the café. Arthur and Merlin had a very fancy coffee creation named _The Cookie Exterminator_ and Merlin had a feeling that someone had watched too much of Dr. Who. But it tasted exactly like it sounded. Amazing, like cookies and coffee and it was perfect.

'What song?' Gwaine chimed in.

'Merlin's song of the day of course,' Arthur smiled.

'Uhhh,' Merlin eloquently said.

'It's All About You by McFly.'

Arthur smiled a bit more.

'It's all about you, huh?'

He photographed his and Merlin's coffee ('Hey, what about mine?' Gwaine asked outraged, 'Yours looks boring. All black and coffee-y.') and put it on Instagram, tagging Merlin (Having Coffee with _the best_. #SOTD All About You – McFly).

Gwaine kept looking between his two friends and sniggered as if seeing something the two boys were oblivious to.

'So, Arthur. What's new?'

'Since Saturday? Not much?'

Gwaine nodded, laughing.

'That was quite a charming thing to do, carrying Merlin to his room. Bridal style. Something I should know about?' Arthur blushed furiously.

'I... no, I...'

'Don't let him bother you,' Merlin interrupted, feeling the need to come to Arthur's rescue.

'He's just envious.'

Gwaine laughed out loud.

'Of whom exactly?' he asked.

'The boy who's never kissed anyone or the boy who's never had a boyfriend before?'

Arthur sat up straight and narrowed his eyes:

'Wait, which one am I in this scenario?'

Gwaine looked at him.

'You have to ask? - Wait, you haven't kissed anyone, _either_? Come on boys, it's kissing, it's no big deal!'

Merlin had gone red in the face and Arthur kept looking at him questioningly. Finally, he said to Gwaine:

'So what, I don't go around snogging everyone.' he continued stealing glances at Merlin, thinking he would be low-key.

'I will only fall in love once,' he continued and if he'd only just realised what he had said, his eyes went wide and he properly looked at Merlin panicky. Merlin stared back, just as surprised by Arthur's revelation.

'True Love and that shit? Nah, that doesn't exist,' Gwaine mumbled while drinking his coffee. He was amused by his friends' attempt at being all tough and really just being in fairy-tale-love with each other.

'How would you know?' Merlin finally asked.

'Well, for one, I'm smart. And secondly, I've never seen that happening. Everyone breaks up, it's nature.'

'It's not,' Arthur immediately pointed out.

'Otters stay together forever. And Penguins.'

'So you fancy yourself a penguin, Pendragon? That's... curiously apt.'

Arthur laughed at that.

'What if I do? I believe in true love. And there is nothing a big old lump like you can say to make me think otherwise.' He glanced at Merlin from under his eyelashes, trying to see any reaction to his words and then downed his coffee.

Merlin sat there, shell-shocked. He felt like he needed to ask for a blanket. He felt like he needed another hot beverage. He really didn't know on which part to focus on. That Arthur believed in true love or how beautiful he looked in the sunlight coming in from the window behind him? That Arthur had never kissed anyone – like him – or how incredibly hot it was when he did look at Merlin from under his eyelashes?

He only came back to the present when Gwaine stood and declared that he was off for his next lesson. Arthur checked the time and stood up as well. They said good-bye to their friend and Merlin suddenly got nervous. What if Arthur had second thoughts now? If he really did believe in true love, he wouldn't possibly go for Merlin, right? That was just stupid.

Arthur stood up, facing Merlin and looked at him softly.

'I'll go home now and listen to your song of the day,' he declared and softly brushed Merlins fringe out of his eyes. He had thought his hair had gotten a bit long but he was never so enamoured as he was in that moment so he thanked the heavens for being too lazy to go to the barbers. 

He smiled.

'Our song of the day,' he simply said.

Arthur laughed _The Laugh_.

'I'll see you Friday? Pick you up at six?'

Merlin nodded, not trusting himself to say anything because Arthur did the thing again, looking at him from under his eyelashes.

'Can't wait,' Arthur said and left the coffee shop.

Merlin felt like his lungs would give out any moment and made his way home.

 

After walking through his door, the first thing he did was press play on McFly's _All About You_. He loved that song, it was really beautiful and he kept humming along.

__Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew  
So I told you with a smile, "It's all about you"   
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too   
Said, "You make my life worth while"  
"It's all about you" 

Merlin smiled to himself. He was going to be okay. If anything he'd fallen in love with Arthur even more after his confession at the café.

How did he, a too lanky, too weird looking bloke from Ealdor get this lucky? He didn't know. He just knew that he couldn't fuck this up. He felt like this was his one chance at happiness because he had never felt about anyone this strongly before. He'd just have to show the two finger salute to his anxiety and push it away. He just hoped he could do it.

 

He sighed and got out his notebook.

He wrote:

_ True love does exist _

_ Want to be my penguin? _

_ Be mine forever _

 

He giggled to himself, feeling especially corny in that moment and then remembered a line from one of his favourite films _The Holiday_ : 

'I'm looking for corny in my life'

_You and me both, Iris,_ he thought, _you and me both._

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone announcing an incoming text:

 

 

_ And I would answer all your wishes if you ask me to ,But if you deny me one of your kisses don't know what I'd do – Happiest song we had yet. I like it :) I wish it was Friday already... _

 

Merlin stared at the text for a very long time and then giggled like a schoolgirl in love for the first time (which he slowly started to think he actually _was_ ).

He thought about it for a moment and then texted back:

 

_ Dancing on the kitchen tiles It's all about you... See you Friday, Arthur :) _

 

As soon as he had sent it, he hid his face in his pillow. He could not believe that he had texted something that soppy. He felt nervous and his hands started to shake but he willed his anxiety away. He was going to be okay, he just had to believe in it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlins SOTD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnxAM9zllo0


	10. Perfectly Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur going on their first date :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, only one chapter left after this one :) Thank you for reading and thank you for bearing with me :)

By the time Friday rolled around, Merlin was an absolute mess.

He felt like a little ball of anxiety – and not the good kind.

He was certain that this wouldn't end well but he felt like he owed it to himself and to Arthur to at least try. What's the worst thing that could happen? He asked himself several times over the week. The answer was always the same:

_ He could hurt me and it would wreck me. _

Would it matter in a hundred years time? No. But it mattered right then and there and it mattered to Merlin, a lot.

He was so shaky, he didn't even remember to put on music. He tried to keep himself busy. He did all of his class work, he did his laundry and even phoned his mum (which was a mistake because she didn't let it go until he told her exactly what had happened to which her reaction was: 'Well finally. Not happy with your decision to go with a boy but your father and I are just glad that you actually have a date.').

He tried watching television but his thoughts always drifted to Arthur and what a date with him would be like. How would he look like? What would they talk about? And whether it would be awkward now that the word 'Date' stood between them. And what if, Arthur decided at the end of it that Merlin wasn't that great after all and just laughed at him?

Merlin tried selecting his clothes very carefully. He was going on his first date ever so he needed something he felt comfortable in... but also confident and it would help if it didn't look half bad. He finally decided on black jeans and a grey loose jumper (he thought he looked very classy but then again compared to his black print shirts everything looked kind of classy).

At six, on the dot, Arthur knocked.

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and tried to compose himself. He just stood there, breathing for a minute before he opened the door.

Arthur smiled at him wide and open and happy. And for a second, Merlin felt incredibly stupid for his anxieties because...that smile. He wanted to see that smile everyday. For the rest of his life.

'Hey,' he breathed finally.

'Come in, uh, I'm almost ready.'

Merlin knew he could have been ready on time had he not looked through the pictures on his phone and then all the pictures on Instagram to distract himself.

He quickly collected what he thought he'd need: phone, wallet and keys and turned back around.

'Ready,' he smiled and saw Arthur studying him. 

'Everything okay?'

'Everything is perfectly fine.' Arthur held out his arm to him and Merlin simply laughed.

'Lead the way then,' he said and took the arm, feeling just a tiny bit ridiculous.

Arthur had his car parked right in front of Merlin's building and even held the door open for him.

'Arthur stop it, I feel like a bloody princess,' he murmured as he got in the car.

Arthur blushed.

'I'm sorry, I... I just want this for you to be good.'

Merlin looked at him, open and honest and Arthur continued:

'Because this is the first one for you.'

'It's the first one for you, too.'

'Yeah but it's with you and... that's enough.'

Merlin's cheeks grew hot and he had to shut his eyes again and concentrate on his breathing. 

_Get it together_ , he thought, _you are the luckiest boy in the world because this guy likes you for some reason._

Arthur absently chewed on his lip and looked just as nervous as Merlin felt. After a very short ride (10 minutes, tops, but for Merlin it felt more like 10 hours), Arthur stopped the car in front of a very fancy Italian restaurant.

_Great_ , Merlin thought. _Nothing says 'I'm not as clumsy as I look' as pasta sauce on my jumper_. He was just glad that Arthur hadn't picked a sushi place. He and Gwaine had had sushi the week before and both agreed that putting huge raw fish bites in your mouth was decidedly the most unattractive way to eat. It only looks elegant in films.

They were seated by a middle aged man in an actual honest to god penguin suit. He bowed as he left and promised to come back for their order shortly.

Merlin looked around and completely felt out of place. He glanced at Arthur and immediately held the menu in front of his face. Because as much as he looked out of place? Arthur looked like this was where he should be. He wore a slim fitted suit (with tie and everything!) and the way his hair reflected the light and his eyes sparkled as they roamed over the different dishes, he looked perfect.

Merlin hid his face behind the leather-bound menu and waited for his blush to go away. He willed his heartbeat to go down but instead it only seemed to go faster.

'Merlin?,' very faintly he heard Arthur say his name. And suddenly his cover was pulled away and when he opened his eyes, they were met with very worried ones.

'Are you okay?'

Merlin nodded.

'Yeah, sure, I just don't know what to pick,' he mumbled and sounded hoarse to his own ears.

Arthur's eyes lit up again.

'Well, that depends on what you like. Do you like pasta? They have the best pasta in town. The Carbonara is to die for,' he exclaimed excitedly and grinned.

Merlin smiled fondly and pushed his fears away long enough to think:

_ How did I get this lucky? _

'Carbonara it is,' he finally said and was rewarded with one of Arthur's dazzling laughs.

After they had ordered, Merlin rolled his sleeves up in anticipation of his pasta.

They talked a little about university until Arthur suddenly pinched the bridge of his nose. 

He breathed in once deeply, before he said:

'Merlin, could you please roll down your sleeves?'

'Uh, sure, uhm,' he quickly rolled them down.

'Is that like... forbidden in here?' Merlin really wouldn't know, he'd never been in a place this fancy.

'No but it's driving me absolutely crazy and we can't have me molest you in here. I think _that_ might be forbidden.' he said lightly but Merlin could see the blush on his face (which probably matched his own).

'I'm sorry, that was... incredibly inappropriate, Merlin I'm sorry.'

'It's uh, fine...'

It was far from fine. Merlin felt all his fears bubble up again. He felt like he couldn't breathe anymore and tried wiping his sweaty hands on his trousers.

Neither of them said another word until the food arrived but Merlin could barely eat anything. Slowly, he ate from his pasta which was indeed incredibly good. He almost didn't notice it. 

'Merlin,' Arthur sighed, putting down his fork.

'Look, I am really sorry for being so awkward today but... I feel... I just feel so good when you're around. Like I can be myself. Like anything can happen. When I feel like my world is going to crumble down, it only takes a smile from you and I feel like I'm going to be okay. I think... no, I know... Merlin,' he sighed and stared at Merlin's shaking hand lying on the table before putting his hand on top of Merlin's. He stroked Merlin's hand with his thumb and looked at him again:

'I am in love with you.'

Before Merlin could actually register what had happened, he felt himself tear up. He felt like he observed the scene from a few feet above and had no control over his body. Which was why he didn't know how he suddenly found himself in front of the restaurant, in the cold, without a jacket, panting and clutching his chest.

_Great, you fucked it up,_ he thought when he was able to grasp what had happened.

He tried calming down but it had suddenly gotten too much. Too much to handle for him.

 

Merlin arrived at Gwaine's door panting and sweating. It was just a little after ten so he figured Gwaine was still awake and hoped that he would be there and that he would be alone. He knocked and after a few seconds, the door was opened.

'Merlin? Oh god, what's wrong?'

Merlin was immediately pulled into a tight hug.

'Gwaine let me go I'm all yuck-y,' he complained but secretly loved the feeling of being held.

'I don't care,' Gwaine lay his chin on top of Merlin's head.

'Did he do something?'

'He was wonderful... I'm the arsehole in this scenario...' Merlin slowly admitted and hid his face in Gwaine's t-shirt.

'What did you do?'

Merlin paused, he didn't want to admit it. But he had to sooner or later, that's why he was here after all.

'I panicked and ran off,' he finally whispered.

Gwaine released him from the hug and looked at him sternly.

'You _ran_ off?'

'Kind of...'

'What do you mean kind of?'

'I... yeah, I ran off.'

'After he did... what exactly?'

'He touched my hand. Like he wanted to hold it.' Merlin squeezed his eyes shut as if nothing bad could happen as long as he couldn't see. He was beyond mortified of himself and he knew that he reacted very poorly (and even that was an understatement).

'Let me get this straight. The boy you've been pining over for months now asked you on a romantic date and wanted to hold your hand -'

'And said he was in love with me,' Merlin interrupted.

'and said he was in love... Jesus, Merls, what do you want from the poor bloke?'

Merlin sat on Gwaine's sofa and looked at him with big sad eyes.

'I don't know, it was perfect really but Gwaine, how could he love _me_? How could he just sit there and say these things about _me_? He might think he does. He might think I'm funny now. But he'll have to properly get to _know_ me, know everything about me and he won't like me then. I'll have to show him my crazy, how fucked up I actually am and it's better to never have had him than to have to let him go because as it turns out he thinks I'm a freakshow after all.' 

Gwaine looked at his friend speechless.

Finally, he smiled.

'Merlin?'

No reaction.

'Merls?'

Merlin slowly met Gwaine's eyes.

'That boy. That wonderful, wonderful boy,' he started,

'knows you more than you think. Do you really believe that after years and years of not having had any boyfriends because he wanted to wait for _the one,_ he would throw that away for someone he wasn't 110 percent sure about?'

Merlin chewed his bottom lip. He knew Gwaine was right. Arthur had looked at him so fondly, had smiled so openly and he'd destroyed that.

'What do I do?' he whispered.

'You go over to his dorm right now and you tell him what you're feeling. Just be honest with him, at least give him that.'

'What if it doesn't work out? What if we break up and I am broken. More than I am at the moment?'

'If that happens I will be here to pick up the pieces.'

Merlin nodded. He looked down on himself and stood up to leave.

'Can I go tomorrow? I feel so yucky.'

'First thing,' Gwaine demanded.

Merlin nodded, 'First thing.'

And then he left.

 

Merlin went home and straight to bed. He felt exhausted, completely and utterly exhausted so he lay down and slept. Until at 4 o'clock in the morning, his phone rung, announcing a text:

 

_ SOTD – Perfectly perfect by simple plan. Non negotiable. - Arthur _

 

He sat up, reached for his laptop and looked the song up. He listened to it and suddenly he knew. He couldn't wait a minute longer. He jumped from his covers and got dressed. Hastily he grabbed his keys, phone and the jacket Gwaine had given him ('I am _not_ letting you go out there again without a jacket, Merlin! You'll catch your death!') and ran out of the door. His laptop lay forgotten on his bed, still playing the song:

 

_You might not think you're a supermodel_  
 _But you look like one to me_  
 _I'd rather have your picture on my phone_  
 _Than on the cover of a magazine_  
 _It's hard to think that a girl like you_  
 _Could have any insecurities_  
 _It's funny how all the things you would change_  
 _Are all things that are cute to me_  
  
 _And I know you don't believe me_  
 _And you think that I'm a fool_  
 _But I don't care_  
  
 _Maybe_  
 _You'll never see in you what I see_  
 _The little things you do that make me go crazy_  
 _I'm not crazy_  
 _You're perfectly perfect to me_  
  
 _You brush it off every time I tell you_  
 _Your smile lights up the room_  
 _And I'm guessing that you don't even notice_  
 _The whole world notices you_  
 _You think you're clumsy_  
 _I think you're cool_  
 _You say you're typical_  
 _But I think you rule_  
 _Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever believe_  
 _That I wrote this song for you_  
  
 _Maybe_  
 _You'll never see in you what I see_  
 _The little things you do that make me go crazy_  
 _I'm not crazy_  
 _You're perfectly perfect_  
 _Someday_  
 _You're gonna see you're beautiful this way_  
 _And that you're always gonna make me go crazy_  
 _I'm not crazy_  
 _You’re perfectly perfect to me_  
  
 _You don't have to try_  
 _Change a single thing_  
 _‘Cause just the way you are_  
 _Is sweeter than anything_  
 _Maybe I’m a fool but it’s always been you_  
 _‘Cause no one ever makes me smile the way you do_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlins (well Arthurs, really) SOTD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1ajxH07b7w
> 
> Loved this song before but there is this incredibly cute video out since yesterday, be sure to watch it :) have fun!


	11. Little Bit Of Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter... here goes...

_I'm such a cliché_ , Merlin thought when halfway to Arthur's room it started to rain. By the time he arrived, he was dripping wet.

_Don't over-think it_ , he thought before knocking hesitantly.

It took a while before he could hear anything from the inside (it _was_ the middle of the night, after all). When he'd just turned around to leave, the door opened and Arthur stood in front of him, sporting a very wild bed head. Although being in pyjamas, he didn't look like he'd slept and Merlin immediately felt incredibly bad when he spotted Arthur's red-rimmed eyes.

'I...I'm sorry, I should have called,' he stammered.

'Did I... oh shit, I probably woke you, right? Shit, I'm sorry, I'll just...,' he indicated the lifts with his hand and looked at the floor.

'You're rambling,' Arthur stated tonelessly and stepped to the side to let Merlin in. 

'Also you're wet and panting. I mean did you leave me without a word at a very fancy restaurant? Yes. But am I going to leave you outside in the hall with dripping hair and a thin jacket? I don't think so,' he deadpanned. 

Merlin nodded. _Right, I deserved that_.

Merlin slowly walked to the middle of the room and stood awkwardly, suddenly very unsure of what he wanted to say.

'Sorry,' he started and closed his mouth again when he heard soft music sounding from the direction of Arthur's bed.

'Are you...,' he asked astonished, walking over to the bed and looked at the screen of Arthur's laptop.

Arthur was listening to a Spotify playlist entitled _Merlin_.

Merlin frowned while reading the different song titles.

'What are you listening to?' he finally asked albeit already knowing the answer.

Arthur had his eyes squeezed shut and bit his lip nervously. 

He didn't answer straight away and when he opened his eyes again, he stared at the floor.

'I'm listening to your songs...,' he finally admitted and trailed off.

'I know it's a bit weird and probably a whole lot of creepy but you posted them on your Instagram most of the time and I felt like... closer to you... while listening to them, I guess.'

'You felt closer to me,' Merlin repeated flabberghasted.

'I guess,' Arthur sighed, shuffling his feet.

Merlin looked at Arthur, really _looked_ at him and before he could stop his mouth, he said:

'I am such an idiot.'

And he was. The boy he was pining over since his very first day in university, the boy who he was crushing on for months, the boy who seemed the most beautiful person in the world currently stood in front of him, listening to music just because Merlin had posted it and looked completely heartbroken. Which in turn made Merlin feel like someone had punched all the remaining air out of his lungs.

Arthur huffed.

'A right dollophead,' he said, still keeping his eyes firmly on his floor.

'The worst dollophead of them all,' Merlin agreed.

'As much as I enjoy listening to you directing that word at yourself for a change but... why?' Arthur asked, finally looking at Merlin with big, sad eyes.

'Because I ran off last night,' Merlin stated.

'How mad are you on a scale from one to ten?' 

Arthur laughed humourlessly.

'Ten.'

Before Merlin could reply anything to that, Arthur said:

'The sadness can not be put on a scale, though.'

Which made Merlins heart break all over again.  


'I'm sorry,' he whispered.

Arthur waved him off.

'It's my fault. I shouldn't have forced this onto you while you were drunk, that was a dick move,' he started.

'I just thought I'd never find the courage to ask if we were both sober.'

'I actually didn't even think it a date until you said it out loud on Monday,' Merlin confessed.

Arthur sounded outraged at that:

'What did you think it was? Jesus Merlin, I was flirting with you for _months_.'

Merlin shrugged.

'You know how it is... low self esteem and honestly, I couldn't believe like someone like you would want anything from someone like me,' he smiled weakly.

'Look, Arthur... I didn't run off because I don't like you. I kind of just... panicked. I mean, noone has ever said something like ' _I'm in love with you'_ to me and I never thought there would be a day where someone actually would. And I... I get so scared easily especially when I like someone because Arthur, you could break my heart and I don't know if I would recover from that,' he looked up and saw Arthur staring at him with a pained expression on his face. 

'I still have no idea how you could like me you know, _that_ way. I'm weird and all gangly and I have too big ears and I'm horrible at analysing poetry and I absolutely suck at ice skating... And I'm – wow, I can't believe I'm actually saying this out loud – I'm really bloody terrified of all kinds of relationships because even friends can hurt you. The kind of relationship a date implies is... you know the worst one of them. You don't give someone you go on dates with a piece of your heart or a little bit of your time. If you're together with them for real, you hand them your whole heart and soul on a silver platter – if you're doing it right, anyway...,' he paused, catching another glimpse of Arthur listening intently.

When Arthur saw him looking, he slowly began to move closer.

'The thing is Arthur, the thing is... I want to do it right... I need to do it right. And there wasn't a moment in my life where I'd even consider doing all of that with anyone. Until I left you and that stupid restaurant and until...' he sighed again and trailed off, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say.

'What I'm trying to communicate here is that... I've never considered letting anyone this close. No person but you. I want to do it right and I want to do it with you and this is kind of me handing you my heart and soul on a silver platter,' he finally finished just in time to see Arthur halting right in front of him.

'If you'll still have me,' he whispered and gazed straight into the blondes eyes.

Arthur just looked at him, glassy eyed.

'You mean that?' he asked after a long silence.

Merlin nodded.

'Yeah?' Arthur asked again.

'Yeah', Merlin said. Arthur studied him a moment longer and then pulled him in a tight hug.

Merlin hadn't even noticed how tense he had been until in that moment all of his tension just vanished and he felt weak kneed and light headed.

When they parted, Arthur smiled at him so brilliantly as if Merlin had given him the sun and the moon and all the stars.

'So...,' Arthur started.

'You ready to get that vitamin ME now?'

Merlin laughed and asked:

'Please tell me you didn't mean that the first time you said it?'

'Oh I was completely serious,' Arthur said solemnly.

'I told you I was flirting with you for months.'

His eyes fell to Merlin's lips and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks.

'Vitamin ME meaning...would it be okay if I kissed you now?'

Merlin's breath hitched, feeling a faint panic rising in him but he nodded anyway.

Arthur leaned in and when they were only inches apart, Merlin put his hand on Arthur's chest to stop him and whispered:

'Disclaimer: I have no idea what I'm doing.'

He was overwhelmed by the feeling of a thousand butterflies rummaging inside of him and he shivered all over with anticipation.

'Disclaimer: Me neither, but we'll figure it out,' Arthur whispered back and placed his hands on Merlin's hips, tracing small, relaxing circles with his thumbs.

Merlin could already feel Arthur's breath on his lips and felt his body tingle with happiness when Arthur finally closed the distance between them and kissed him softly.

Merlin had imagined kissing someone a fair amount of his time but he could never have imagined this. He closed his eyes, loosing himself in the moment and if he wanted to go with a Disney theme, Gwaine seemed to be so fond of, he'd have to say that he felt like a thousand fireworks had gone off in the distance and he wouldn't be surprised if random forest animals would begin to sing any moment.

When they parted, they just looked at each other for a long time before Arthur breathed:

'Wow.'

Merlin nodded.

All of a sudden, he exclaimed:

'I have the perfect song for this.'

He rushed to Arthur's laptop and a few seconds later, the soft beginning of You Me At Six's ' _Little Bit Of Truth'_ sounded through the room.

Arthur smiled at Merlin fondly and walked over to where he stood. He pulled him back into his arms and started kissing him again. Slowly, softly.

Merlin thought this was probably far from perfect but it was more than perfect for him. For the first time in his life he felt properly _at ease_.

In the background, the song kept playing and Merlin kept singing along in his mind:

 

_All I want to do is write a song  
One I haven't ever sung before  
I don't want to sing the same old thing   
It wouldn't mean anything to me   
  
All I want to do is write a song   
But everything I say just comes out wrong  
I guess I'll just throw my thoughts away  
Maybe pick them up another day   
  
I just lost control  
I just wanted you to know   
When I'm on my own  
I feel invisible   
I just lost control  
I just needed you to know  
When in front of you   
I feel invincible  
  
I want to write a song that makes you smile  
One that keeps you around for a while  
I wish for, small things  
Like losing, this feeling  
I've seen this coming  
I've seen you, leaving  
  
I just lost control_  
 _I just wanted you to know  
When I'm on my own  
I feel invisible   
I just lost control  
I just needed you to know  
When in front of you   
I feel invincible  
  
I know I've said and done some things_  
 _That've made you feel a little empty_  
I've got a whole lot to learn  
Every bridge I see, I seem to burn so  
  
All I've got to do is sing a song  
Tell a little truth to everyone  
Sick of saying sorry when I'm not  
But after a little love that's   
That's all I've   
That's all I've got  
  
I just lost control  
I just wanted you to know   
When I'm on my own  
I feel invisible   
I just lost control  
I just needed you to know  
When in front of you   
I feel invincible  
Invincible 

 

 

Maybe it wouldn't last forever. Maybe it wouldn't even last a week but for the first time in his life, Merlin wanted to try. He wanted to try to be the very best version of himself for the boy in his arms. _Because he deserves it_ , he thought. _Because he deserves the world_.

 

When he'd tell Gwaine about what had happened a while later, the line would go dead because Gwaine had dropped the phone in a moment of absolute joy. He'd beam at his two friends when they walked up to the café together on Monday, holding hands. He'd hug them both a bit teary eyed because he was genuinly happy. And yes, he still brought them coffee and he still called Arthur 'princess'. Because nothing had changed. The two boys just finally had gotten it together. And Gwaine was happy. Probably just as much as Merlin and Arthur themselves.  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your continued support and lovely comments/kudos throughout this little first fanfic venture of mine :) I feel really happy about this and I hope you do too :)
> 
> <3333


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 years later.

** Epilogue **

 

** 5 years later. **

 

Merlin opened the door to his and Arthur's flat and was surprised by a man holding a bouquet of roses.

'Erm, yes?' he tried, not really knowing what to make of it. The man was well into his fifties and had a very thick, black moustache. He must have the wrong address, Merlin mused.

'Merlin Emrys?' the man asked and looked down at a sheet of paper in his hand.

'Yes?'

Without another word, the man held out to roses for Merlin to take and when he did, nodded and walked off.

Merlin stared after him, confusion clear on his face.

He inspected the flowers and brought them inside. He put them in a vase when he spotted a small card, carefully tucked between the rose petals.

He slowly opened the miniature envelope and read:

_ Will you go out with me on New Years Eve? _

In Arthur's elegant script.

Merlin giggled and reached for his phone:

_You do realise that we're dating, don't you?_ He texted and after a moment of consideration, he wrote another one:

_ That means you don't have to send me expensive flowers just to ask me out. _

He only had to wait a few minutes until his phone vibrated.

_ I want to send you flowers because you deserve them. Plus, that was not an answer. _

Merlin giggled, still unsure how he got this lucky. 

_ Yes, you dollophead. _

 

After their first kiss, Merlin had decided that he would just take a leap of faith and the past few weeks he spent with Arthur were the most beautiful, love filled weeks of his life. Arthur had insisted to take Merlin on many more dates because apparently Merlin deserved to be wooed properly. And he didn't run off on any of them. Any objections Merlin voiced regarding the amount of time that Arthur must spend to plan these dates were just ignored and Arthur would turn up in an expensive suit instead, sweeping him off his feet once again.

Gwaine had started calling Merlin princess after witnessing a very special moment between his friends, where Arthur parked the car and rushed out so he could get Merlin's door before he could. 

'Just wait until he picks you up on his white horse and makes you sing duets with him,' he'd laughed.

Merlin had just blushed, not wanting to tell Gwaine that something similar had happened on their third date.

Arthur was amazing. When they first got together, they had talked about Merlin's issues and Arthur's own anxieties all night and especially Arthur had his mind set on making the relationship work.

Merlin knew that the whole courting him with flowers and elaborate dates was only done so he would feel wanted, so he would feel loved.

And he did.

He did get scared sometimes. Even after five years, even after graduating and moving in together, he was still scared. He'd look into the mirror and notice all the things he was insecure about only to have Arthur point out that he loved those things most about him ('What do you mean, too large ears? Merlin. You're ears are perfect, just the way they are.').

They had an arrangement where they'd take turns picking a song of the day. Merlin loved knowing that Arthur would listen to the exact same song and they would randomly send each other lyrics throughout the day.

 

Before the flower incident, Merlin had prepared for a quiet night in. Maybe getting some take out since neither him nor Arthur were the types to go to big New Years eve partys. After the flower incident however, Merlin opted to plan a little ahead since Arthur would undoubtedly plan something utterly corny and romantic and Merlin would love him even more for it.

There wasn't much he could do since he didn't know what Arthur had in mind but he kept looking for ways to make Arthur feel the same amount of love he felt. They were in a very equal relationship after all. Arthur just happened to be the one with the corny ideas.

With one last look at the flowers, Merlin turned around murmuring:

'You want romantic, Pendragon? I will give you romantic,' and opened his laptop, idea in mind.

 

On the 31st of December, Merlin sat on his bed, waiting. Arthur was supposed to pick him up after work at around six o'clock but Merlin wanted to be ready for him when he came so he started getting ready early.

Nervously, he kept straightening his bowtie and suit when there was finally a knock on the door.

He opened the door with a little too much force and looked straight at Arthur. His eyes softened as he took in the sight in front of him.

Arthur's face was a little flushed from the cold and his hair – as usual – artfully tousled. He wore a very smart suit and a red tie and held a single rose in his hand.

'How did you...?'

Arthur looked at Merlin's outfit confused.

Merlin rolled his eyes fondly.

'You sent me a bouquet of roses just to ask me out. I didn't think you'd turn up in jeans.'

Arthur laughed and handed Merlin the rose.

'I wanted to give you one in person,' he said.

'Are you ready to go?'

Merlin nodded, thoughtfully checking his trouser pockets for his phone, wallet, keys and the little envelope he had tucked away.

The drive took a little over an hour and Merlin got more and more confused when suddenly they were driving over the countryside.

'Where are we?' he asked in awe as he watched the starlit sky and the little huts they drove by.

'You'll see,' Arthur just said.

They finally arrived at a little cottage. It looked old but very well kept and there was nothing and noone in sight for as far as Merlin could see.

'This is my parents',' Arthur said as a way of explanation.

'They spend their summers here and I thought there was no place better to spend New Year's eve than here,' he smiled and opened the boot, taking out various shopping bags.

Merlin was speechless as he continued looking at the cottage and at Arthur and only when Arthur vanished inside the house, he followed.

The cottage was very elegantly furnished. There was a very comfortable looking grey couch and a very large modern kitchen.

'I already set up upstairs,' Arthur said, taking a bottle of wine out of one of the shopping bags and smiled at Merlin seductively.

'Lead the way,' Merlin giggled and followed his boyfriend upstairs.

He checked his back pocket again just to make sure that the envelope was still there. 

 

'Wow,' Merlin exclaimed when he'd reached the top of the stairs.

'This is... Arthur!'

Arthur had truly outdone himself. Merlin stood in a winter garden/terrace where every single star in the sky was visible. Right next to the window, Arthur had placed a table just big enough for the two of them to sit at and there were fairy lights and candles everywhere.

On the table, there were two plates and two wine glasses just waiting for them to sit down.

Merlin saw Arthur smile, obviously pleased with himself and Merlin's reaction.

He walked behind one of the two chairs and pulled it out for Merlin to sit.

'I swear to god, you make me feel like such a _princess_ ,' Merlin said but smiled anyway. 

'Well I guess I'll have to work harder then because I want to make you feel like a bloody queen,' Arthur replied and laughed delightedly at Merlin's flush.

'You do realise I'm not a girl though, yes?'

Arthur looked mock shocked but sobered up quickly.

'Good thing, that. Absolutely not my cup of tea, girls.'

'You'd be brilliant at wooing girls, though,' Merlin said while observing the bottle of wine Arthur had placed on the table.

When he realised what he had said, he flushed and looked up quickly.

'Not that I want you to woo girls, I just... er... I mean you'd be... you know, you're kind of that guy who is the absolute perfect guy in a chick flick is all,' he stammered.

Arthur laughed (one of _The Laughs_ ), and patted Merlin's head.

'I'm not the perfect guy who woos people. I only woo you, because you're worth it.'

And with that, he disappeared down the stairs while mumbling something about take away.

Until he returned with a bag full of delicious smelling curry (because they had agreed that curry was the absolute best), Merlin got more and more nervous up to the point that he couldn't stop fidgeting. 

When Arthur had opened the wine he'd brought ('We are both wearing a suit, Merlin, we are _so_ having wine.') and put curry on both of their plates, he sat down, regarding Merlin critically.

'Would you relax? I'm not going to like... molest you.'

Merlin laughed.

'I know. I'm fine, just nervous. This is incredibly fancy.'

At that, Arthur smiled at him broadly.

'Let's eat, shall we?' he said happily and kept that smile on his face all during dinner.

 

When it was almost midnight, Merlin thought it was a good moment to give Arthur his present so he sat up straight. He was very glad that he'd already had more than enough wine because he wasn't really fond of talking about _feelings_.

'So, Arthur,' he said.

Arthur immediately sat up straight as well and looked at Merlin seriously.

'Merlin,' he nodded once.

'Oh shut up you prat,' Merlin laughed and Arthur let himself fall back into the chair, smiling.

'So, Arthur,' he pointedly began again and took a deep breath.

'I have no idea what I did to deserve you. I have no idea what I did to deserve all of this,' he indicated all around him.

'And I have no idea how I could possibly repay you or make you feel just as loved as you do me because it's simply not possible, but,' he got the envelope out he had been carrying around all evening, handing it to Arthur who took it, regarding it critically.

'I want you to have this because I couldn't think of another way to tell you how much you mean to me.'

Slowly, Arthur opened the envelope and removed the paper inside.

Merlin watched as Arthur's eyes first widened with every word he read and finally teared up.

'You bought a star,' he whispered, his hands slightly trembling.

Merlin just smiled at Arthur, feeling very content because finally, finally he had done something romantic for Arthur. Because he deserved it just as much.

'Yeah, I called it Merthur,' Merlin grinned proudly.

After about two years, Gwaine started calling his two friends by their self invented couples name because – as he said – they by then came as a package deal.

'That's...'

'My promise,' Merlin said.

'This is my promise to you. This is our forever.'

Suddenly, talking about feelings seemed so easy.

One single tear rolled over Arthur's cheek and Merlin leaned forward to wipe it away.

'You okay?'

He whispered and Arthur nodded. Suddenly, he burst out in laughter

'My thing seems so lame now,' he said and looked at Merlin. He carefully placed the certificate of their star on the table and got on one knee in front of Merlin, searching for something in his pocket.

It was Merlin's turn to stare at his boyfriend in shock.

'No,' he whispered.

'Merlin,' Arthur murmured and cleared his throat.

'Merlin,' he began much more clearly while getting a very small ring box out of his pocket.

'Over five years ago, I fell in love with you. And I meant what I said. I only fall in love once and I fell in love with you. Deeply. I can't imagine one single day without you and I really don't want to. And I realise that this is a lot of pressure and a lot to ask and not half as romantic as buying me a freaking star-' he huffed, 'but Merlin I love you so much. Will you marry me?' he finally asked and opened the ring box to reveal a very expensive looking golden engagement ring.

Merlin just continued to stare at him, not saying anything.

After another moment of silence, Arthur looked more and more nervous.

'Would you please say something?'

Merlin huffed and his whole face lit up in a smile.

'I'm trying very hard not to freak out right now because...' he rolled up the envelope from his star certificate and lightly tapped it on Arthur's head.

'Why do you always have to out-romance me you stupid prat?'

Arthur tried smiling but it turned a little lopsided.

'That's not an answer.'

Merlin rolled his eyes but grinned anyway.

'Because I don't need one. It will always be yes, no matter what you ask.'

Arthur's smile was so wide that Merlin was afraid that it would split his face in two. He slipped the ring on Merlin's finger just as the fireworks began to go off in the distance. But Merlin and Arthur just had eyes for each other. Trembling, Arthur let go of Merlin's hand and leaned in for a kiss.

'Happy New Year,' Merlin whispered against Arthur's lips before giving him another peck.

He linked his fingers with Arthur's and let his head rest against his new fiancé's head and watched as the last of the fireworks lit up the sky.

'Happy New Year,' Arthur whispered and raised their joined hands to his lips to press a soft kiss to Merlin's knuckles.

Merlin was sure. He had never been so sure of anything. But after all the Drama the two of them had been through, now, five years later, he was sure. Arthur was his star in the sky and they really had a shot of a forever.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of felt like extra fluff :) I think these two deserve it :) <3 Happy New year everyone (I know it's a bit too early but... yeah :))

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in the song Merlin listens to, it's this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDbVY3gCJgg


End file.
